Code Error

i used to love writing.

i started my "dear diary" moments way back in high school. but even then, i already used technology as a means of transcribing my thoughts. my pc, which my father had bought, served as an instant emotional absorber. having it was an easy-way of letting go of all the rantings, tantrums, and other immaturities that i had. besides, unlike humans who have been genetically programmed to ask you too many questions, it simply listens to my stories and locked all my secrets. thus, i fell in love with it more.

like any other "love stories", my relationship with it had its own good and bad moments. but it never failed to make the bad days looked a little better. or so i thought.

one day, i was excited to get home and face it again. i had so many things to share that day. as i reached home, my father told me that he had brought the "machine" to a computer shop. damn! why?!? but of course, i didn't react infront of him as if my whole world was coming to an end. i was just wondering what's the sudden need to bring it to some shop. he probably read my mind; he told me that it needed an upgrading process. i calmed down. i asked him if i could retrieve all the info. he nodded. oh, in that case, there's no problem at all. or so i thought again.

my pc came home. it had a brand new monitor which looked like an imac. its cpu looked taller than its "outdated" version. oh, wait...taller? meaning it's a new one, right? but i decided not to entertain any thoughts. i turned it on, and pointed the mouse to the folder where i had stored "my life". clicked. and voila! there was NOTHING. shit. but i didn't give up. i went to the search, typed any entries that i remembered. and voila again! there was NOTHING. what did i do? NOTHING. as if i had any other choice. they told me later on that they had formatted the whole thing and the old ones (especially those with unusual file names) were deleted. i smiled. what was i thinking? what did i created "unusual" file names? am i trying hard to be a poet or something? i kept on smiling, but inside i really wanted to scream.

so i stopped writing.

after a year, the urge to write came back. my bestfriend walked out on me. the person i liked had been noticing me lately. some friends and i lied to our parents and had our journey somewhere down south. there had been many betraying and crying times. my life had been at its best and its worst. so, i was tempted to write again.

i refreshed my relationship with my pc. i told it stories, lots of stories that i had never told anyone before. it was like the old times. eventually, i became comfortable and safe again. after hundreds of entries and staring-blanky-at-the-monitor days, my brand-new slash high-memory slash imac-look-alike pc shut down. i mean, it really shut down. i tried to re-boot it, but it didn't respond positively. i was so fucked up. again, i never thought of creating a back-up. i never seemed to learn.

from that day, i cursed it. it was so unfair, and cruel. so, i distant myself from it. even from writing.

when i heard about this blog thing, i have started to feel the same urge that i felt two or three years ago. i am not still sure on how to respond to its invitation. let's see.