Tailor-made

My coffee breaks for the past few months were spent mostly with some closest friends, listening to their stories on almost ruined or soon-to-be-ruined relationships. Meeting up at different coffee shops, experimenting on diverse blends, but hearing almost the same resignation-- parang ayaw ko na. Uncertain and disheartening.

Coincidentally (or probably not), they were able to say it after five or six years of being with their respective partners. And they ended up with that choice after trust, convenience, plans, and all other factors necessary to build a solid groundwork for a supposed long-lasting relationship had been actually built. Sayang. But "sayang" would not be enough basis to finish off something as indispensable as that. The same way it should not be the grounds of staying that long in a commitment (but ironically and more often than not, it is). When asked why, their responses fell in any of these three reasons: (1) they have found someone else; (2) they simply fell out of love; or (3) they are already tired. I was hoping to hear someone says "I'm (or we're) not happy anymore" because for me it is the bottom line of every break-up. But no one ever did. I guess, no one wanted to go through the bottom line in the first place because it might sound a little selfish and ruthless (and it is).

Looking back, I, too, did not consider being "not happy anymore" as trigger condition. I had thought of reason number three, which led me to reason number two that guided me, in the long run, to reason number one, as my conclusion. Did I think of "sayang"? Maybe, for quite some time-- enough to weigh things out and make every judgment a surefire. But then, I thought "Worth it ba?". NO, not anymore. And I believe I have made the right decision.

Too much caffeine, I suppose. Or maybe I have just related my rationalization to my friends'. Perhaps, I have just been impressed (but not in a so-good way) by their determination to continue with the relationship despite being treated badly and knowing how one-sided their situation has been. Impulsive use of audacity. I wish I understood them better.

Based on their stories and some others (including mine and his), I have learned that it is still ok to be "unhappy" once in a while in a relationship. But if the unhappy times have already outweighed the happy times or if the scene is already miserable from any angle, it is about time to re-evaluate.

We discuss things like these from time to time, especially every after a coffee break with a friend. And we both agree that whatever happened to them can happen to us IF AND ONLY IF one of the two factors we believe makes a commitment works disappear. Love and will, one cannot last without the other. We need these two since ours is and will always be a work in progress.

*****
This is wonderful as loving goes...
- As Lovers Go, Dashboard Confessional

We're doing well, and so is everything. *kugos*