Passing Thoughts

the moon is in the
mood of teasing souls tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~
i wrote my sorrow
wrapped it in a piece of paper
begged the wind to sweep it away
with the stars as my witnesses.

~~~~~~~~~~~
the sky confesses:
i see your life as one big metaphor
it's a wave silently rushing
toward and away from the shore.

******
senti mode. wala lang. ;-)

follow-up lang 'to.

ang gulo ng december 25 ko. buti na lang na-agapan. kung hindi--- kill! ewan ko ba, pag dating talaga siguro sa lovelife na yan...malas ako. fault ko rin naman eh. simpleng reply lang di ko pa ginawa. ano ba naman yung "hi" di ba? ewan, inabot na naman yung pride ko. nagmagaling. tuloy, naging madrama yung simula ng pasko ko. subtle lang nung una. masama raw ang loob nya. kesyo di na raw ako nagpaparamdam. ang lungkot-lungkot na raw doon, tapos ni wala man lang balita galing sa kin. shit. syempre medyo na-guilty ako. sabay sorry.

maya-maya, nag-iba na yung mood. eh medyo inspired yung guts ko nun ni don cuervo. ilang shots din yon. kaya isang tanong nya, isang sagot naman ako. honesty pala ha. eh di naging honest ako.

ano ba ang gusto nyang malaman? ano ba ang dapat nyang malaman? dami nang nagbago. hirap na hirap na ko. sanay na ko na wala ka. di na kita nami-miss. ang labo na nung sa tin. 2 years? wow, parang ang dali-daling maghintay. pagbalik mo ba, di ka na ulit aalis?

ano pa ba ang gusto nyang malaman? ano pa ba yung dapat nyang malaman? di na ko sure sa nararamdaman ko sa'yo. ang dami na nating napalampas at pinapalampas na mga bagay. ang hirap nang sabayan. nakakapagod nang maghabol. umiyak sya. iniyakan na naman ako. pinaiyak ko na naman sya. may napaiyak na naman ako.

shit talaga. remember the book? yung binigay ko sa kanya last month. GUESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU? oo nga naman. ano yon? lokohan? sandali, umiiyak na rin pala ako. sorry, minsan ang selfish ko talaga.

uuwi sya para lang may mapatunayan. parang pwede? sabihin na nating pwede, kung gugustuhin. pero ayoko. ano na lang sasabihin ng parents nya? sinisira ko future nya? pero di ba sabi nya part ako ng future na yon? na ako nga ata yung future na yon?

wag na lang. tapusin mo na. maghihintay na lang ako. just promise me that when you come back, you're going to stay with me for good. ang bigat nung pinakawalan ko sa kanyang salita. ang bigat din nung pinangako nya. "baby, dalawang pasko na lang."

*sigh*

******
12/25/2003. 37th month. 2:00 to 9:00 AM, all cards have been laid down. hoping.

Throbbing Pieces

I heard tears falling.
I feel pain in your voice.
I saw heartbeats weakening.
I wanted to stop them.
I was dying to stop them.
But when I tried,
I heard my own tears.
I feel my voice causing the same pain.
I saw my heartbeats tracing yours, fragmented and silenced.
The struggle was wounding.
I couldn't even stop mine.
Now, how could I stop yours?

*****
for making you feel the way you're not supposed to,
i'm sorry.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

Eve Rantings

bullshit! ano ka ba?! what the hell were you thinking?! 2 years na lang naman di ba? why couldn't you wait?! do you have any idea how much hurt you've caused? it's not only christmas. it's also your goddamn anniversary! and what did you do? you called that honesty? bullshit! to hell with honesty! you could've at least be kind enough to tell the person white lies. he's alone,in the first place. the only support you can give is the assurance that when he comes back, you're still there-- waiting. now, you've made today the saddest christmas of his life. and now, you're also crying? what the fuck is that?! guilt? regrets? how selfish could you get?

Half-hearted 2

The future passed
by my thought today.
I didn't see you.

Trance

Where did the smile come from?
When did it begin?

to be continued...

Second Thought

he has plans for her, just like you.
and he's here, you're not.

******
he invited her to go somewhere this holiday.
but for some reason, she just couldn't.
lucky you...

Half-hearted

Did I say I love you too?
Can I take it back?


*****
I'm so bad, I'm so bad, I'm so bad.

One Cup Habit

you order a cup
"iced cold," you say,
"with whipped cream"

they hand it to you
making sure that all
your requests are done

you smell its taste
you taste its smell
it's your solemn ritual

it moistens your hand
until your mind freezes
and the world stops

"it's safe again," you say
this is your private moment
as you sip, as you breathe.

*****
i tried another flavor last night.
they called it mocha fredoccinno.

Favor

Hold me, please?
Hold me until I fall asleep.
It was a heavy day.
Let me rest.

******
So much emotional drama today.

Sleeping on the Ashes

The sky seems so calm tonight,
Kids play their usual games,
Adults continue yesterday's conversation,
Noise is somehow bearable.

The evening breeze changes direction,
Tranquility passes by without notice,
There are hidden tears,
But chaos is mute.

Every glance pierces,
Scared faces pour,
Silence becomes alarming,
Everyone wishes it to end.

Tonight is not the usual night,
It's burning,
But it would end soon,
It must.

*****
There was a big fire near the office. There were sad faces along the highway.
It's 19 days before Christmas. And I hate to see those sullen eyes. I feel helpless.