A Tribute

POOR MAN'S GRAVE
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I know a man who had nothing
He was a poor man all his life
He lived in a shack by the roadside
With starving kids and a loving wife

He went to church every Sunday
He prays from morning until night, he said
Good Lord, why have you forsaken me
When everything I did I thought was right

Now my Life is coming to an end
There's only one thing I'm wishing for
All my days I have never sinned
So I hope you wont ignore
What I'm asking for...

* Oh honey when I die
Dress me up in a coat and tie
Give my feet a pair of shoes
That I haven't wore in a long time
** Put me in a golden box
>Not a cross on a pile of rocks
Bury me where the grass is green
And the gates are shining...

*** Oh honey when I die
Give me a bed of roses
Where I could lie
I'm gonna use up all the money that I saved
'Coz I dont wanna lie in a poor man's grave...

I know a man who had nothing
He dreamed of satin sheets all his life
He lived and worked like a dog
Licking every boot he sees just to survive

He comes home drunk every night
Wakes up the kids and talks to his wife, he said
Honey you have been so good to me I only wish we had a better life
And now my life’s coming to an end
There's only one thing I'm wishing for
All my days I have lived in shame
So I hope you wont ignore
Just what I'm asking for...

(repeat *, **, and ***)

*****

He left his wife, two daughters, and a son. He never gave any reason; he simply ended his life using his daughter’s jumping rope, a gift he gave when she was three years old. He was in his early 30's.

For seven years, the longest conversation I had with him was "Happy New Year!" To think, he just lived one door away from us. I saw him got drunk. I heard him yelled at his wife and cursed other people. I watched him threw things away. But I know he was a good man and I'm not saying this because he's dead. I'm saying this because he was there when we badly needed help on simple things. He would fix our broken sink and water pump so that we could go to our appointment on time. He would clean my kuya's car before a big date or something. He would give us a small plate of laing when my aunt teases him that we're sick of meat.

I have been thinking...now I know why the news of his death somehow pierced my heart.

I'm still bothered, though. Of all the possible choices, why would someone choose to end his life? And why in a very slow process? Why the day before his wedding anniversary? Why before his daughters’ birthday? Ganon pa la yon. It's so easy to talk and give remarks about suicide when you don't know personally the person involved. Otherwise, you'll just realize that all you can say is "Why?" And you will keep on saying it until the thought that it's really over has sinked in.