Square One

even after a tall cup of strong white chocolate mocha, you're still half-awake. the pending papers are still, well, pending-- waiting for mouse click in your notepad's to-do-list-before-june-30. you try to grab as many work loads as you can, like kobe bryant when he scored 81 baskets, a career high, in the previous nba playoffs. the only difference is that his was much exciting than yours (and he has the lakers fans to back him up). you observe that the person sitting next to you is banging his head. good for him. you look for an unused headset (since you don't have one) and randomly choose your playlist for the day. you tap your fingers, distracting the person sitting infront of you, probably contemplating the number of cases the team has received or the upcoming fight of pacquiao. pretending not to notice what you might have caused, you simply glance at the window as if it's your latest downloaded 3d screensaver. and there it is-- clear sky, dull skyline. perfect.

==

time lapses are frequent this month. almost everyone is in the same mood-- cautious about the time and paranoid about communication (and false impression). some are standing impatiently at the ticket line. others just hit the road by impulse, with little preparation and without any warning. the temper is somehow contagious. so what you do is fashion a fallback plan just in case you fall short on pulling things up (and since you've been missing some small details lately). but for now, you try to enjoy coldplay's second album, track number four. thank god for the spare headset.

you'll be logging off in a few hours anyway. you may want to watch superman, or just crawl back into bed.

*****
“Running in circles, chasing our tails…”

Si Solo

*****
macho gwapito...=D

In-thing

Things have been a little crazy lately. Crazy in an amusing way, I suppose.

We've been taking this "parenting" stuff seriously. We've become avid lurkers of various forums and other Web sites, researching for recommended diet and vets. Nakaka-OC yung details. Our "dates" now usually involve pet shop visits in different malls, doing some window-shopping for a shampoo, supplements, teether, toys, and other accessories. We almost familiarized ourselves with every shop in Cartimar finding a comfy crate, as well as the whole stretch of the Mall of Asia looking for Animal House and Bio-Research (even though it was our excuse to get there, hehe). Our previous individual paycheck has been allotted mostly on his needs, and our time on him. Medyo naging homebody kami ("domesticated", to grace's vocabulary :P). But absolutely, no regrets. And our playful little guy has been giving us relief since day one.

[We’re still undecided about the dog food brand. But we’re 80% on Canidae. Hopefully, we’ll be able to make up our mind within the day.]

*****
They say that "beagles are hard to train”.
Well, so far, he responds to "Solo, come…" The rest? Hmm..bahala na si batman. =)

Off-topic.. noticed the newly opened Kopi Roti branch at the Mall of Asia. Reminded me of their coffee, which tastes good and costs relatively cheap. And their kopi bun-- a soft coffee-flavored bun with butter inside-- hmmm...tempting. They have branches along Katipunan Avenue and Tomas Morato. Worth a try. ;-)

Solo

*****
home, after all. been keeping us occupied lately. =)
four months old seven days from now.

Rims and Hover

*****
IX. Tuesday was a detour. ;=)
hmmm...kanya-kanyang trip lang, hehe.

Plug

i want a beagle.

*****
male, 4-7 months, tri-color.
willing to adopt. we'll make him feel at home, promise.=)

Sand Spin 2

*****
Early summer. February 19-20. White Beach, Puerto Galera.

Quick Fix 2

Too Many Nights
J. Kilcher
It's been
too many nights
of being with
to now be suddenly
without

*****

Three years and seven months. That's a record. Enough reason to be sad.

Got a number of hugs from my teammates. Had a little one-on-one chat with Colleen, Kat, and Job. Made some wacky handshakes with Macky, Mayee, and Ar. But never got the chance to talk to Jovi, Leyn, and some PSS friends. And Eric.

I thought, I was doing pretty well with my discreet way of telling people I am going away. But nooo. While waiting for Paulie and Tin outside the Robinson's ATM booth, I had that one last chance to tell my story to Eric. Miray was also there. Pero ano kaya yun. Wala naman akong nasabi. I had been rehearsing this remarkable speech on my mind but nothing articulate came out. But the best thing I could do was to rub his arms. Strange. He then hugged me, the longest I had for the day. A bit poignant, that scene. No exhange of thank-you's or whatever. Just a straightforward, tight hug. 'Nuf said. For "the shares", coffee breaks, noteworthy's, mcdo/zuppa breakfast's, and eccentricities, thank you. And I apologize for not giving a hint-- but maybe it's better that way.

I'll miss you guys.

"Let's waste time chasing cars around our heads."

This Much

"So ba't swept away?"
"Wala lang..=)"
"Di nga, tips naman jan para magka-idea ako."

[One of those chat conversations I had with a guy friend several months ago, noticing my YM status, which I had actually copied from him.]

==

Walk with her. When you do, she tells you lots of things, plus you see whose known personality is walking what breed of dog. Act like you're both kids. Buy a frisbee or a remote controlled car, and bring it to Sunken Garden for a test drive. Watch Love Me If You Dare or I Laugh You with her. It makes that film or play more absorbing for her. Play some baskets. Try to make not less than 50 points so that you can give her another game for free. And oh-- let her commit personal fouls occasionally. Read some of the books she read and remind her a few lines, which she has obviously forgotten. She might find her memory a little annoying but she always appreciates the effort you give to understand the details. Write her a letter no matter how bad your handwriting is. Confessing there your fears resolves some of her random thoughts. Tell her you love her old perfume. Then, tell her you're starting to love the new scent. Go for a roadtrip. You know she'll go anywhere with you. Tell her where you are. It makes her feel safe. Try a new resto and daringly order an eccentric cuisine. Then, decide whether it deserves a second time. Give her a hand or foot massage once in a while. Tell her she's stubborn when she is. She badly needs you to do that. Fix her a warm lemonade when she has a sore throat so that she stops fooling around with her voice. Learn to like Dashboard Confessionals, know their chords, and play them for her. She doesn't mind if you're in falsetto or you don't get the exact strumming; she enjoys it anyway. Know how to cut, dissolve, feather, and slo-mo, even though you’re using Linux. Be her gaffer in her video coverage. When you're there she doesn't notice the time, and the hassles the production brings. Let her step on your feet, and pretend that you're dancing with her. She used to do that with her Pa. Play pool or basketball with her overly introvert brother. Watching the two of you sharing some fun makes her smile. Surprise her with a pair of rubber shoes that fits her size just so. You know she always pampers her feet. Always bring an extra handkerchief whenever you go out with her, just in case she forgets to bring one--which happens most of the time. Introduce her to your family and make her feel at home. She could be a bit edgy, but she'll get the hang of it. Invite her for lunch and cook her favorite dish when the budget is tight for a date. Spend the whole afternoon or evening with her watching the latest pirated DVDs you've bought-- it is the most convenient time to cuddle. Give her a missed call when you think of her right in the middle of your busy schedule. Allow her to steal kisses from you. It's her childish way of being intimate. Swap stories with her on how your day has been. It lightens the missing part. Let her complain when the line is getting longer or when the computer crashes. Then, tell her you'll come over and pick her up. Let her fall asleep in your arms. You're giving her the most serene time-out. Hold her hand-- she loves it, especially the whole time you're inside the church. Kiss her-- she finds it sincere, especially when the priest says "Peace be with you". Embrace her-- it reassures her of your company, especially as soon as the mass ends. And before the end of the day, tell her you love her. Just because you do.

==

Why swept away? Because she has you.

*****
"A woman's heart should be so close to God's
that a man has to seek Him to find her."

i feel mushy today, hehe. oist, kulet...it's 9 again. thank you so much. *kugos*

Sand Spin

we just had our early summer this week. the timing was perfect.

while most people were heading back to the city (back to the usual boring day jobs, that is), we set off equipped with two backpacks, a 1.5 liter of bottled mineral water, a fully charged video camera, and a few vacation tips we had digged up from google. we cruised south riding blue pelican ferry boat for our next stop: white beach, puerto galera.

off-peak means an almost picture perfect vacation. clear and cool waters. fine sand. less people. way cheaper accommodation. fun snorkling. calming night shoreline stroll and full-body beachside massage. though there were some minor flaws, like the wrong choice of resto for our first lunch, which was relatively expensive for a chicken barbeque (or was it a kebab?) and stuffed squid, the manongs who doggedly invite you for banana boat rides or a snorkling to the nearby and not-so-nearby islands or island-hopping, the masseuses who persistently offer their hard and soft massage services, and losing his pair of sunglasses [that I like, by the way, because those specs looked good on him], we can't still deny that the stay was really one of a kind.

we've learned to love that beach. and the snorkling? that was the best part. too bad, our camera does not have enough technology to conquer the waters. and above all, his company-- nothing beat that. nothing can, really. aynaku...*kugos*

*****
4 out of 5 stars, sabi nya. =)
tips? learn to haggle. go on weekdays. want the sand. swim, no rush.

getting ready for our fifth road trip. anywhere.

Mi Luv Yuh

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride;
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

[excerpt, Neruda's Sonnet XVII. 100 Love Sonnets,1960.]
*****
basta...=)
hmm..coldplay's been eating up my playlist lately.

Playing God

I've just learned that I killed someone last night. I stabbed him several times right through his chest. Then, I grabbed a gun and pointed it at him, aiming at his temple. But I changed my target and pulled the trigger, directing it closely towards his heart. I shot once..twice..thrice..until I lost my count and every bullet was consumed. But I didn't stop there. Using bare hands, I had pulled out his heart, crumpled it with my strongest grip. Then, I pinned it to my soles so that I can step on it when I walk away from him.

The crime I did.

My 4-page confession letter has had that effect on him-- tearing him a part, and leaving an excruciating pain and sympathy not only to him but also to those who had witnessed the way his heart collapsed.

I feel for him-- for making him feel that he has just died. I feel for those around him-- for struggling to help him breathe again. And I feel for me-- for letting my heart think for the past ten months and some months before that.

But my heart has been doing an excellent job. It has proven its worth.

I shouldn't plead guilty.

*****
but somehow i am. i feel you and i'm so sorry.

"And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to

fix you..."

- Coldplay's Fix You.

Track 12

I remember the TV ad you showed me last year. It starts with this little girl excitedly cutting off her hair like a young lady putting on her make up for a prom date. The girl is relentless, going back and forth, and checking her looks on the mirror until she's done and her head’s totally shaved. The door bell rings. Her eyes glow as she hurriedly runs toward the door and opens it. A skinny, bald young boy is in the front door, patiently waiting. It’s her brother accompanied by their parents.

I don't precisely recall how the ad ends. My idea is that she cuts off her hair so that her brother won't feel different and they'll share the experience of being bald. But yours is that she gives every strand of her hair to him unconditionally and with no hesitation probably to make him feel that nothing has changed and everything's alright.

At some point, our versions meant exactly the same thing.

[It is a TV ad for kids with cancer.]

*****
tough times. but you're tougher. you know why? well, i do.

Horse Play

*****
Thanks to Miray for introducing Koine One Acts. Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos, with all its sarcasm, has made my first toilet visit after the play quite memorable. I Laugh You was so hilarious. Period. And thanks to you-- for trying new things with me (kahit minsan medyo hesitant ka, hehe).

Pun Intended

I knew it was coming. That editing machine finally gave up last week, leaving me with a long overdue project, forcing me to beg for successive and confusing offsets, testing my self-proclaimed passion for editing, and pushing me to whine every so often. And, oh, giving me a put on nerve to commute to and from las piñas to make use of a working pc (thanks to Mai and Paul, and Niknok -- my "young picasso" inaanak who, at two, treats any surface he can reach as his own canvas). These hassles. Darn. My thought-out timetable for January has already been messed up. I planned to loosen up for a while, and focus on reviewing for MCP or finishing the first season of naruto as well as the two paperbacks lying on my bedside table for almost a year now. And yes, the weekends and off-shifts were supposed to be light. But then, came this "crisis". Hmm...ok, that might be an overstatement, but the thing is -- THIS is already hacking me off. [I wasn't even able to update my blog, which I had been planning to do right after we returned from a week vacation in the province.] These hassles. Darn.

*****
Good thing there was Narnia, which, according to you, is 2 out of 5 stars. Then there was Euro Star Carnival, which convinced Lei not to call you freak anymore because the two of you had braved and had fun with that Joker Ride. Most importantly, in between my shift and yours, there were brief hugs and infinite stories. Looking forward to our summer this February...=)

By the way, I happened to watch a guy contestant singing Out of My League in a TV show early last week. The song has an addicting effect on me suprisingly, hehe.

Chapter Five

Cheers to the Guy in Red

Latest fastfood find with Gaby: Pupung and Friends Pinoy fastfood at the Entertainment Building of the Mall of Asia. It has an appetizing, pocket-friendly, lutong-bahay menu. Must-try: pusit, tuna belly kebab, and buttered togue. Guinumis and breaded bangus are so-so, however.
Remember the comics? Hmm..yup, I'm that old. =)
=================

I just LOVE dolphins.
[Apologies to the animal activists. I respect animal rights. But I just couldn't help not to see them.]
=================

Ramen! Ramen! Ramen! A snack size was enough to boost our chakras. [Watching too much Naruto, I guess.]

*****
Happy birthday, buddy ko! *kugos*

Sipty

*****
12.14.2005. jack's loft-gweilos hop.team's year-ender.
super thanks to trigger happy pia for the pics. =)

Crimson

*****
nanay. a great cook, storyteller, seamstress, and teacher.
april 9, 1924 - december 5, 2005

(eric is right. "it's the little things and the joy they bring...")

November

*****
11.181920.05.
next stop...