21

Bypassing Ripple Effect

I feel incompetent today.

For the nth time, I wasn’t able to follow simple instructions with regard to direction. I had been provided with the details of where- and how-tos, and all I had to do was to remember every single landmark. I tried, though. But my impulse steered me [again] to skip a few steps, defeating the whole purpose of commuting. I didn't nail it. Bravo.

Tanggap ko naman kase-- direction, particularly commuting from one place to another, from one ride to the next ride, is really outside my comfort zone. I usually get a little paranoid. I remember instructions, but when I am already there, some of them become oblivious for some reason. I miss the right stop. I fail to notice the signs where the jeep or bus is going. Then, I bottle out and seek for my easy workaround-- to call a cab. Although I eventually regain my "coolness", the thought of not getting it right makes me feel really, really inferior. Great.

===

I'm not sure if it's part of our adjustment to my new job or to our relationship. For the past couple of weeks, we've been falling for a few tensions. Not really a fight (I don't know how you define one), but just some sort of tampuhan due to petty disagreements. In most of those instances, I felt very guilty.

Was it my temper? Have I become a little insensitive?

I hope you don't see it that way. Maybe my patience has dropped off two notches. Maybe I have been asking too much. And maybe I have disappointed you several times. I can give you a list. But please understand that each failing was not deliberate. That I was also upset. And that the last person I would ever want to let down and hurt is you.

I'm sorry for the rough times and the attitude I gave you.

Well Then

*****
Dinner at Café Bola before my team’s dinner at D’Marks before the Spidey flick.
Another so-so menu, another so-so day. So what? =)

Quick Fix 3

Last month was pretty tight.

I have made some major adjustments and committed myself to more plans. Hardcore serious, this time. My recent job’s take off was abrupt and intimidating. The expectations of me as the rookie have become more apparent. Inspiring and daunting, rolled into one. I met my new team and some others, which, by the way, have been so responsive. Thanks to them (especially to the person behind my seat) and my buddy, the transition wasn’t that bad. Although my body clock has started to adjust to my new daily grinds, my energy still couldn’t totally keep up with the pace. Good thing there is more than enough space to walk to and loosen up (and, sometimes, daydream of owning a small portion of that place) in late afternoons.

Aside from the fact that I still miss my former team, all better now. I guess, my quick fix worked.

Rides

*****
Last Saturday, with his super kuleeet at super lambing cousin, Josh.

After Taste

****
Unplanned dessert treat before he left for the province. Happened to pass by the Penny Brown cookies stall at the 2nd Floor of Glorietta 2. All smackers look yummy and cost P65. His sinless sugarfree cookies-vanilla ice cream smacker sandwich was a fine choice. But my soft milk choco chunk cookies-strawberry ice cream combo tasted even better, hehe. I'll try their crazy oats 'n nuts cookie next time.

Yum yum! =)

Quick Fix

One of these days, there will be some alterations.

Wind back.

One week before our Sagada trip, I got an unforeseen phone call from Park. There was an abrupt gush of buoyancy. A perfect timing to perk up my then thinning self-approbation. Soon after, I realized-- hey I’m still doing fine, self-assuredly. Something I had never felt in a long time. One thing led to another.

For the past two weeks, I have been in a hot seat, thoughtfully calculating each step I would be making in a few more weeks. It has been a bumpy ride-- because not only has been the experience thrilling, but it has also been heartbreaking. And I have never been good at the last one, I swear. So I have opted to say nothing. Some people have already had a hint, but I wish they would do the same-- say nothing.

I guess it is time again to gamble on the trick of the trade-- owning a wise heart and being pragmatic. You win some, you lose some. Reality works this way. Promising yet, at some point, bleak.

Move forward.

*****
I still owe Tin and Miray [and some people] more particulars. But I'm sure they will understand.
Hmmm...Snow Patrol's CHASING CARS underscores the mood. Oh well..

Sand Spin 3

*****
Fended off work stress in White Beach, Puerto Galera. Enjoyed the 2-day unruffled break with the family.

The initial plan was Talipanan Beach. [The atmosphere is serene but the shore there is not as clean and level as that of White Beach.] Checked in at Basilico for P2,000 instead. [The rooms are new and clean. And they have Cable TV unlike in Talipanan.] Alloted P100 for every meal and P700 for transpo per person. Snorkled for P600++ (after some nice haggle transactions). Had another full-body beachside massage for P150, with complimentary Bob Marley music in the background (performed by a live band in a nearby bar). And prepared P1,000 for pasalubong and some others. Overheads: around P8,000. Not bad for a P2,000-budget per head. ;-)

UP NORTH: SAGADA

From Manila (10PM) to Banaue (7AM) to Sagada (2PM) cost a little over P600 plus some meals.

Day One: Almost iced cold. Checked in at George Guesthouse, P200 per day per person. Recharged ourselves with banana-chocolate shortcake, banana-strawberry yoghurt, and carbonara of Yoghurt House. The shortcake is a must-try. Lasted the tough four-hour cave connection from Lumiang Burial Cave to Sumaging Cave, both of which are impressive spots (including the precarious descend and climb) by the way. Treated ourselves with a passable dinner at Masferre's Country Inn and Restaurant. Then, warmed the night with a few shots of Matador Brandy. And that was just day one.

===

Woke up at 6AM. Sampled Bilig Cafe for breakfast, Cafe Igorota for lunch, and Alfredo's Cabin for dinner.

Day Two. Chilled. Endured the two-hour walk across rice terraces to Bomod-ok Falls. Dipped into the chilling water of the falls afterwards. Walked another two hours back, treated ourselves with the local ice cream, then back to George to snooze. After a couple of hours, refreshed ourselves to visit St. Mary's Episcopal Church. Then, experimented our way to the Echo Valley. And yes, it echoed (but all valleys do, right?). Encountered an ornithologist there, patiently observing the birds in the valley (perhaps our yelling disturbed the scene). Ended our day 2 itinerary buying souvenirs.

Day Three. End of the trail. Left Sagada around 7AM. Chose Baguio route for add-ons. Savored Cafe by the Ruins for lunch. Bought lots of vegetables. Burned CDs on the bus. Home by 11PM.

And my shirt says : I survived Sagada. ;-)

Paw Marks

from the previous kopi roti break to the next stop,
though the scene was taken at bo's.

Tailor-made

My coffee breaks for the past few months were spent mostly with some closest friends, listening to their stories on almost ruined or soon-to-be-ruined relationships. Meeting up at different coffee shops, experimenting on diverse blends, but hearing almost the same resignation-- parang ayaw ko na. Uncertain and disheartening.

Coincidentally (or probably not), they were able to say it after five or six years of being with their respective partners. And they ended up with that choice after trust, convenience, plans, and all other factors necessary to build a solid groundwork for a supposed long-lasting relationship had been actually built. Sayang. But "sayang" would not be enough basis to finish off something as indispensable as that. The same way it should not be the grounds of staying that long in a commitment (but ironically and more often than not, it is). When asked why, their responses fell in any of these three reasons: (1) they have found someone else; (2) they simply fell out of love; or (3) they are already tired. I was hoping to hear someone says "I'm (or we're) not happy anymore" because for me it is the bottom line of every break-up. But no one ever did. I guess, no one wanted to go through the bottom line in the first place because it might sound a little selfish and ruthless (and it is).

Looking back, I, too, did not consider being "not happy anymore" as trigger condition. I had thought of reason number three, which led me to reason number two that guided me, in the long run, to reason number one, as my conclusion. Did I think of "sayang"? Maybe, for quite some time-- enough to weigh things out and make every judgment a surefire. But then, I thought "Worth it ba?". NO, not anymore. And I believe I have made the right decision.

Too much caffeine, I suppose. Or maybe I have just related my rationalization to my friends'. Perhaps, I have just been impressed (but not in a so-good way) by their determination to continue with the relationship despite being treated badly and knowing how one-sided their situation has been. Impulsive use of audacity. I wish I understood them better.

Based on their stories and some others (including mine and his), I have learned that it is still ok to be "unhappy" once in a while in a relationship. But if the unhappy times have already outweighed the happy times or if the scene is already miserable from any angle, it is about time to re-evaluate.

We discuss things like these from time to time, especially every after a coffee break with a friend. And we both agree that whatever happened to them can happen to us IF AND ONLY IF one of the two factors we believe makes a commitment works disappear. Love and will, one cannot last without the other. We need these two since ours is and will always be a work in progress.

*****
This is wonderful as loving goes...
- As Lovers Go, Dashboard Confessional

We're doing well, and so is everything. *kugos*

Down South: Cebu

Taking pleasure in the 1-hour fastcraft ride back to Cebu from Tagbilaran, then a 3-hour bus ride to Hagnaya
plus an hour boat ride to Kota Beach, Bantayan Island. Now---THIS is summer. Worth another visit.

Wrapping up our trip down south exploring Cebu City. Highlights on Colon Street, Basilica de Sto. Niño, Magellan's Cross, museums (though closed on Mondays), Abuhan Dos (for a sumptuous dinner), and of course-- Bo's Coffee. Thanks to Tin and Miray's travel pointers and Lonely Planet notes. =)

Overheads: P3,378 (2nd day) + P3,956 (3rd day) + P2,683 (4th day)

Down South: Bohol

Kicking off the trail with a 2-hour fastcraft ride to Bohol from Pier 1, Cebu City.

Down to Loboc for the Loboc River Cruise.

Up to Carmen for the Chocolate Hills.

Finishing our Bohol hop with the tarsiers, Loay Church, Baclayon Church, and Blood Compact Site.

Overheads: roughly P4,600 (1st day)

Peppermint Mocha To Go

Triple Treat

One of the best mornings I've ever had.

It's not only because of waking up with that hug. It's also because of waking up knowing I had been understood no matter how unfeeling my action was. Trust me, I had good intentions. It's just that my way of making them happen sucked big time. I was too careful not to hurt anyone, most especially you, yet I ended up with rash decisions-- lousy ones. Consequently, everything was left hanging in the air. Or it appeared to be.

I'm so sorry if you felt it again. 'lam ko, ambigat nun. No more third time, I promise.

Mi luv yah.

===

Aside from patching-up, we had our feet pamper today. We tried Val's suggestion, the authentic Thai foot massage in City Walk, Glorietta 3. They offer foot massage, foot spa, foot scrub, and the combo of the three--foot nirvana. The damage was P650 per person (if you have their promo coupon, you can avail it for 580), and the whole thing lasted for an hour and nine minutes, 21 minutes earlier than what has been printed on their list, with complimentary iced tea or ginger hot tea and half-body massage. I was somehow satisfied with the massage service, but not with the chitchat the personnel made from time to time and their lighting (dim, but not dim enough). Hmmm..he was not so pleased with his foot nirvana. Aaay...=(

Next time, we'll just try Solemates in Eastwood or Footloose in Tomas Morato.

===

*****
happy 16th. *kugos*

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.
If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Spree on Foot

*****
Weekend stop at Avilon Zoological Park in Montalban, Rizal. Saturday, nice weather.

P26 FX fare from Philcoa + medium traffic. P20 tryc fare + rough road. P200 entrance fee and P96 packed lunch + 7.5-hectare zoo. A half-day time off with flamingoes, arapaimas, sunbear, puma, kangaroo, wild boars, mini horse, jaguar, crocs, cobras, among others. And of course, birds-- lots of birds.

P400 more or less per person for this eco trip + quality time under your own steam, not bad. =)

Drift Off

i usually browse a broadsheet newspaper cover to cover, starting at page 1. personally, it is the easiest, most convenient, and most sensible way of deciding which articles to read. or, whether to read at all because sometimes it feels like everything is just one and the same. but yesterday morning, i unconsciously picked up the entertainment section, jumping right at the cartoons page. for no reason.

i realized that this morning. i was tempted to check that page out again (which had already been lying unperturbedly in our bathroom sink). and here is what has soaked me up in one of the comic strips:

"if the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, that would suffice."
-- meister eckhart

i'm not sure if it has anything to do with my sudden break from routines. but i'm glad i leafed through it. no spiritual effect whatsoever, though. the line just sounded real, plainspoken. some sort of reaffirmation of the last talk we had.

*****
i'm not feeling really well today. this cold-- makes me feel a little worn-out. i miss my bed. but with "stolen" and "comfortable" on my playlist, in repeat mode, the night would not be that bad. i could steal a nap later on.

(yung last song dahil kay tin, ang shiftmate kong may pagka-lost din. dini-deny lang naman nya eh. =P )

Up For Grabs

it was a nice surprise last night. he arrived at home, smiling, and prodding me to make a guess. he went upstairs, then returned with three tickets to the final match. excellent seats by the way (reminds me of the last PBA game we watched). i thought we would be watching the bout four, probably five hours delayed telecast (which is fine by me, hehe). at malamang may mga spoiler na nun (which is not so fine).

hmm..three more days-- and it would be a great date with Nay.

excited na, aynaku. rooting for pacman obviously.

*****
honestly, my guess was right. i just didn't blurt it out. baka kase mali, ma-disappoint ka rin. besides, the probability of getting tickets was really low. kaya nga impressive eh. thanks, kulet. *kugos*

===
the verdict: it's southpaw over orthodox! our guy ended the pacquiao-morales trilogy, knocking down the Tijuana native thrice before the latter had conceded defeat at 2:57 of round three. the match was surprising and fast. it was not just inside the thomas and mack center that the pacman crowd took pride with every knockdown and unanticipated right punch. it was everywhere.

and we wrapped it up with rice toppings and pancit canton from chowking. what a day... =D

Carbo Flight

We had a carbo-loaded late lunch in a traditional Italian way yesterday at Amici di Don Bosco, the almost unnoticeable and unpretentious cafeteria-style resto in Arnaiz Street, Makati. Love their quattro formaggi. We had four left over slices, which we finished off at dinner -- that was after six hours-- yet the taste was consistently divine and we both agreed to that. And the pasta with their house sauce-- hmmmn, al dente. Plus their dine-in gelato in numerous flavors. Taste-tested three different single-scoop flavors: lemon (which was too sour for him--notice the 2nd row 4th pic taken just after he guzzled his first spoonful), chocolate marble (which we both digged), and cappuccino (which I liked and he somehow liked). Too bad, there was no more pistachio when we got there at the gelato counter. Considering the size of each serving and the taste, the price is relatively fair. Or should I say justly expensive? Price range is around P120-300 for pizza/pasta/other dishes and desserts. Most, if not all, servings are good for two. For the gelato, it's P35 per scoop. Certainly, worth a second try and more.

That day. Delizioso. =)

*****
Happy 15th, mio migliore amico, mio solamente uno..*abbracciare*

Sundown

i feel bad. snapping at you just like that for no particular reason.
and even if i had one, it would have been too shallow. i was too shallow.
a lousy excuse to react that way. the impulsiveness in me again.

i'm so sorry.

*****
thank you for putting up with me (and for always trying). *kugos*