Duo

*****
Deal. =)

Under Wraps

*****
Semi-busy day. Aside from the late orientation regarding benefits we had with Ms.Moi and the training we had with The Mentor, there was our flunch for the week in a cake place several walks away from the office. Yuuup-- we braved the 3 P.M. heat just to get there. Cozy, enticing, and sweet. The meeting about “Penne Award” and incentive plan went well, except, of course, for some minor interruptions whenever a luscious cake was being brought to our table. The small cup of strong espresso machiatto matched the unpretentious marble cheese I had ordered. Hmmm…need to diet. Really. =)

Good Chicken

*****

Easy Sunday, nothing fancy.
Headed somewhere in Sgt. Esguerra St. Scout Triangle, QC after my mango-banana shake and his vegetable soup in Kaas. Had our chicken trip as usual. Tried a tasty combo of chicken barbeque, spare ribs, batchoy soup with egg, and plain rice. Loved the marinade.

This unassuming outdoor grill is owned by actor Joel Torre (that's why JT). Based on stories, he scouted for the best inasal cook in Bacolod to be his "chef". The menu, by the way, has relatively good prices. Other branches are in Gilmore, Ortigas, and Eastwood.

7 out 10 for me, 6 out of 10 for him. =)

Samson

Samson was my week opener and ender. Glad to hear that song twice on my way to the office and back home this week. Somehow, I feel relieved. And thanks to Tin for introducing that song (and the artist) a few months ago.

The white chocolate mocha I ordered last Thursday was bitter. They probably brewed it too long. I had not noticed the taste until I went back to the office and you went home. The aftertaste lasted longer than I thought.

My muddled schedule for the training, a few meetings, and some deliverables was given. I was able to juggle those things well. But your being sick and our ending the week with a clash have made me a little disoriented and disheartened. We were supposed to understand each other and humbly give way. But we did not. I was thinking, ang stubborn kase minsan ng buddy ko. Then I realized, ako rin pala. It was like a tug-of-war of reasons. You thought you were right, I also thought I was right. And we were both fighting for our own stance. That day could have ended better and not extended for one more day if we just met halfway. I feel sorry I did not recognize the flaw earlier.

I didn’t like us the past week. And I hated us yesterday.

Thank God it’s over.

*****
The last coffee we had together was unbearable. Bawi tayo...*kugos*

Back Seat

5:37 P.M. A snap of retreat.
*****
On the way to seaside Macapagal boulevard.
Team’s dinner treat to Âsa, Jerker, and M.Ludwig.

Green

21

Bypassing Ripple Effect

I feel incompetent today.

For the nth time, I wasn’t able to follow simple instructions with regard to direction. I had been provided with the details of where- and how-tos, and all I had to do was to remember every single landmark. I tried, though. But my impulse steered me [again] to skip a few steps, defeating the whole purpose of commuting. I didn't nail it. Bravo.

Tanggap ko naman kase-- direction, particularly commuting from one place to another, from one ride to the next ride, is really outside my comfort zone. I usually get a little paranoid. I remember instructions, but when I am already there, some of them become oblivious for some reason. I miss the right stop. I fail to notice the signs where the jeep or bus is going. Then, I bottle out and seek for my easy workaround-- to call a cab. Although I eventually regain my "coolness", the thought of not getting it right makes me feel really, really inferior. Great.

===

I'm not sure if it's part of our adjustment to my new job or to our relationship. For the past couple of weeks, we've been falling for a few tensions. Not really a fight (I don't know how you define one), but just some sort of tampuhan due to petty disagreements. In most of those instances, I felt very guilty.

Was it my temper? Have I become a little insensitive?

I hope you don't see it that way. Maybe my patience has dropped off two notches. Maybe I have been asking too much. And maybe I have disappointed you several times. I can give you a list. But please understand that each failing was not deliberate. That I was also upset. And that the last person I would ever want to let down and hurt is you.

I'm sorry for the rough times and the attitude I gave you.

Well Then

*****
Dinner at Café Bola before my team’s dinner at D’Marks before the Spidey flick.
Another so-so menu, another so-so day. So what? =)

Quick Fix 3

Last month was pretty tight.

I have made some major adjustments and committed myself to more plans. Hardcore serious, this time. My recent job’s take off was abrupt and intimidating. The expectations of me as the rookie have become more apparent. Inspiring and daunting, rolled into one. I met my new team and some others, which, by the way, have been so responsive. Thanks to them (especially to the person behind my seat) and my buddy, the transition wasn’t that bad. Although my body clock has started to adjust to my new daily grinds, my energy still couldn’t totally keep up with the pace. Good thing there is more than enough space to walk to and loosen up (and, sometimes, daydream of owning a small portion of that place) in late afternoons.

Aside from the fact that I still miss my former team, all better now. I guess, my quick fix worked.

Rides

*****
Last Saturday, with his super kuleeet at super lambing cousin, Josh.

After Taste

****
Unplanned dessert treat before he left for the province. Happened to pass by the Penny Brown cookies stall at the 2nd Floor of Glorietta 2. All smackers look yummy and cost P65. His sinless sugarfree cookies-vanilla ice cream smacker sandwich was a fine choice. But my soft milk choco chunk cookies-strawberry ice cream combo tasted even better, hehe. I'll try their crazy oats 'n nuts cookie next time.

Yum yum! =)

Quick Fix

One of these days, there will be some alterations.

Wind back.

One week before our Sagada trip, I got an unforeseen phone call from Park. There was an abrupt gush of buoyancy. A perfect timing to perk up my then thinning self-approbation. Soon after, I realized-- hey I’m still doing fine, self-assuredly. Something I had never felt in a long time. One thing led to another.

For the past two weeks, I have been in a hot seat, thoughtfully calculating each step I would be making in a few more weeks. It has been a bumpy ride-- because not only has been the experience thrilling, but it has also been heartbreaking. And I have never been good at the last one, I swear. So I have opted to say nothing. Some people have already had a hint, but I wish they would do the same-- say nothing.

I guess it is time again to gamble on the trick of the trade-- owning a wise heart and being pragmatic. You win some, you lose some. Reality works this way. Promising yet, at some point, bleak.

Move forward.

*****
I still owe Tin and Miray [and some people] more particulars. But I'm sure they will understand.
Hmmm...Snow Patrol's CHASING CARS underscores the mood. Oh well..

Sand Spin 3

*****
Fended off work stress in White Beach, Puerto Galera. Enjoyed the 2-day unruffled break with the family.

The initial plan was Talipanan Beach. [The atmosphere is serene but the shore there is not as clean and level as that of White Beach.] Checked in at Basilico for P2,000 instead. [The rooms are new and clean. And they have Cable TV unlike in Talipanan.] Alloted P100 for every meal and P700 for transpo per person. Snorkled for P600++ (after some nice haggle transactions). Had another full-body beachside massage for P150, with complimentary Bob Marley music in the background (performed by a live band in a nearby bar). And prepared P1,000 for pasalubong and some others. Overheads: around P8,000. Not bad for a P2,000-budget per head. ;-)

UP NORTH: SAGADA

From Manila (10PM) to Banaue (7AM) to Sagada (2PM) cost a little over P600 plus some meals.

Day One: Almost iced cold. Checked in at George Guesthouse, P200 per day per person. Recharged ourselves with banana-chocolate shortcake, banana-strawberry yoghurt, and carbonara of Yoghurt House. The shortcake is a must-try. Lasted the tough four-hour cave connection from Lumiang Burial Cave to Sumaging Cave, both of which are impressive spots (including the precarious descend and climb) by the way. Treated ourselves with a passable dinner at Masferre's Country Inn and Restaurant. Then, warmed the night with a few shots of Matador Brandy. And that was just day one.

===

Woke up at 6AM. Sampled Bilig Cafe for breakfast, Cafe Igorota for lunch, and Alfredo's Cabin for dinner.

Day Two. Chilled. Endured the two-hour walk across rice terraces to Bomod-ok Falls. Dipped into the chilling water of the falls afterwards. Walked another two hours back, treated ourselves with the local ice cream, then back to George to snooze. After a couple of hours, refreshed ourselves to visit St. Mary's Episcopal Church. Then, experimented our way to the Echo Valley. And yes, it echoed (but all valleys do, right?). Encountered an ornithologist there, patiently observing the birds in the valley (perhaps our yelling disturbed the scene). Ended our day 2 itinerary buying souvenirs.

Day Three. End of the trail. Left Sagada around 7AM. Chose Baguio route for add-ons. Savored Cafe by the Ruins for lunch. Bought lots of vegetables. Burned CDs on the bus. Home by 11PM.

And my shirt says : I survived Sagada. ;-)

Paw Marks

from the previous kopi roti break to the next stop,
though the scene was taken at bo's.

Tailor-made

My coffee breaks for the past few months were spent mostly with some closest friends, listening to their stories on almost ruined or soon-to-be-ruined relationships. Meeting up at different coffee shops, experimenting on diverse blends, but hearing almost the same resignation-- parang ayaw ko na. Uncertain and disheartening.

Coincidentally (or probably not), they were able to say it after five or six years of being with their respective partners. And they ended up with that choice after trust, convenience, plans, and all other factors necessary to build a solid groundwork for a supposed long-lasting relationship had been actually built. Sayang. But "sayang" would not be enough basis to finish off something as indispensable as that. The same way it should not be the grounds of staying that long in a commitment (but ironically and more often than not, it is). When asked why, their responses fell in any of these three reasons: (1) they have found someone else; (2) they simply fell out of love; or (3) they are already tired. I was hoping to hear someone says "I'm (or we're) not happy anymore" because for me it is the bottom line of every break-up. But no one ever did. I guess, no one wanted to go through the bottom line in the first place because it might sound a little selfish and ruthless (and it is).

Looking back, I, too, did not consider being "not happy anymore" as trigger condition. I had thought of reason number three, which led me to reason number two that guided me, in the long run, to reason number one, as my conclusion. Did I think of "sayang"? Maybe, for quite some time-- enough to weigh things out and make every judgment a surefire. But then, I thought "Worth it ba?". NO, not anymore. And I believe I have made the right decision.

Too much caffeine, I suppose. Or maybe I have just related my rationalization to my friends'. Perhaps, I have just been impressed (but not in a so-good way) by their determination to continue with the relationship despite being treated badly and knowing how one-sided their situation has been. Impulsive use of audacity. I wish I understood them better.

Based on their stories and some others (including mine and his), I have learned that it is still ok to be "unhappy" once in a while in a relationship. But if the unhappy times have already outweighed the happy times or if the scene is already miserable from any angle, it is about time to re-evaluate.

We discuss things like these from time to time, especially every after a coffee break with a friend. And we both agree that whatever happened to them can happen to us IF AND ONLY IF one of the two factors we believe makes a commitment works disappear. Love and will, one cannot last without the other. We need these two since ours is and will always be a work in progress.

*****
This is wonderful as loving goes...
- As Lovers Go, Dashboard Confessional

We're doing well, and so is everything. *kugos*

Down South: Cebu

Taking pleasure in the 1-hour fastcraft ride back to Cebu from Tagbilaran, then a 3-hour bus ride to Hagnaya
plus an hour boat ride to Kota Beach, Bantayan Island. Now---THIS is summer. Worth another visit.

Wrapping up our trip down south exploring Cebu City. Highlights on Colon Street, Basilica de Sto. Niño, Magellan's Cross, museums (though closed on Mondays), Abuhan Dos (for a sumptuous dinner), and of course-- Bo's Coffee. Thanks to Tin and Miray's travel pointers and Lonely Planet notes. =)

Overheads: P3,378 (2nd day) + P3,956 (3rd day) + P2,683 (4th day)

Down South: Bohol

Kicking off the trail with a 2-hour fastcraft ride to Bohol from Pier 1, Cebu City.

Down to Loboc for the Loboc River Cruise.

Up to Carmen for the Chocolate Hills.

Finishing our Bohol hop with the tarsiers, Loay Church, Baclayon Church, and Blood Compact Site.

Overheads: roughly P4,600 (1st day)

Peppermint Mocha To Go

Triple Treat

One of the best mornings I've ever had.

It's not only because of waking up with that hug. It's also because of waking up knowing I had been understood no matter how unfeeling my action was. Trust me, I had good intentions. It's just that my way of making them happen sucked big time. I was too careful not to hurt anyone, most especially you, yet I ended up with rash decisions-- lousy ones. Consequently, everything was left hanging in the air. Or it appeared to be.

I'm so sorry if you felt it again. 'lam ko, ambigat nun. No more third time, I promise.

Mi luv yah.

===

Aside from patching-up, we had our feet pamper today. We tried Val's suggestion, the authentic Thai foot massage in City Walk, Glorietta 3. They offer foot massage, foot spa, foot scrub, and the combo of the three--foot nirvana. The damage was P650 per person (if you have their promo coupon, you can avail it for 580), and the whole thing lasted for an hour and nine minutes, 21 minutes earlier than what has been printed on their list, with complimentary iced tea or ginger hot tea and half-body massage. I was somehow satisfied with the massage service, but not with the chitchat the personnel made from time to time and their lighting (dim, but not dim enough). Hmmm..he was not so pleased with his foot nirvana. Aaay...=(

Next time, we'll just try Solemates in Eastwood or Footloose in Tomas Morato.

===

*****
happy 16th. *kugos*

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.
If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Spree on Foot

*****
Weekend stop at Avilon Zoological Park in Montalban, Rizal. Saturday, nice weather.

P26 FX fare from Philcoa + medium traffic. P20 tryc fare + rough road. P200 entrance fee and P96 packed lunch + 7.5-hectare zoo. A half-day time off with flamingoes, arapaimas, sunbear, puma, kangaroo, wild boars, mini horse, jaguar, crocs, cobras, among others. And of course, birds-- lots of birds.

P400 more or less per person for this eco trip + quality time under your own steam, not bad. =)

Drift Off

i usually browse a broadsheet newspaper cover to cover, starting at page 1. personally, it is the easiest, most convenient, and most sensible way of deciding which articles to read. or, whether to read at all because sometimes it feels like everything is just one and the same. but yesterday morning, i unconsciously picked up the entertainment section, jumping right at the cartoons page. for no reason.

i realized that this morning. i was tempted to check that page out again (which had already been lying unperturbedly in our bathroom sink). and here is what has soaked me up in one of the comic strips:

"if the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, that would suffice."
-- meister eckhart

i'm not sure if it has anything to do with my sudden break from routines. but i'm glad i leafed through it. no spiritual effect whatsoever, though. the line just sounded real, plainspoken. some sort of reaffirmation of the last talk we had.

*****
i'm not feeling really well today. this cold-- makes me feel a little worn-out. i miss my bed. but with "stolen" and "comfortable" on my playlist, in repeat mode, the night would not be that bad. i could steal a nap later on.

(yung last song dahil kay tin, ang shiftmate kong may pagka-lost din. dini-deny lang naman nya eh. =P )

Up For Grabs

it was a nice surprise last night. he arrived at home, smiling, and prodding me to make a guess. he went upstairs, then returned with three tickets to the final match. excellent seats by the way (reminds me of the last PBA game we watched). i thought we would be watching the bout four, probably five hours delayed telecast (which is fine by me, hehe). at malamang may mga spoiler na nun (which is not so fine).

hmm..three more days-- and it would be a great date with Nay.

excited na, aynaku. rooting for pacman obviously.

*****
honestly, my guess was right. i just didn't blurt it out. baka kase mali, ma-disappoint ka rin. besides, the probability of getting tickets was really low. kaya nga impressive eh. thanks, kulet. *kugos*

===
the verdict: it's southpaw over orthodox! our guy ended the pacquiao-morales trilogy, knocking down the Tijuana native thrice before the latter had conceded defeat at 2:57 of round three. the match was surprising and fast. it was not just inside the thomas and mack center that the pacman crowd took pride with every knockdown and unanticipated right punch. it was everywhere.

and we wrapped it up with rice toppings and pancit canton from chowking. what a day... =D

Carbo Flight

We had a carbo-loaded late lunch in a traditional Italian way yesterday at Amici di Don Bosco, the almost unnoticeable and unpretentious cafeteria-style resto in Arnaiz Street, Makati. Love their quattro formaggi. We had four left over slices, which we finished off at dinner -- that was after six hours-- yet the taste was consistently divine and we both agreed to that. And the pasta with their house sauce-- hmmmn, al dente. Plus their dine-in gelato in numerous flavors. Taste-tested three different single-scoop flavors: lemon (which was too sour for him--notice the 2nd row 4th pic taken just after he guzzled his first spoonful), chocolate marble (which we both digged), and cappuccino (which I liked and he somehow liked). Too bad, there was no more pistachio when we got there at the gelato counter. Considering the size of each serving and the taste, the price is relatively fair. Or should I say justly expensive? Price range is around P120-300 for pizza/pasta/other dishes and desserts. Most, if not all, servings are good for two. For the gelato, it's P35 per scoop. Certainly, worth a second try and more.

That day. Delizioso. =)

*****
Happy 15th, mio migliore amico, mio solamente uno..*abbracciare*

Sundown

i feel bad. snapping at you just like that for no particular reason.
and even if i had one, it would have been too shallow. i was too shallow.
a lousy excuse to react that way. the impulsiveness in me again.

i'm so sorry.

*****
thank you for putting up with me (and for always trying). *kugos*

Just The Thing

It would've started "Once a upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

It's the line from one of the short stories in Haruki Murakami's The Elephant Vanishes. I bought it from National Bookstore in Eastwood as my incentive to myself for another month (another payday). In short, wala lang talaga-- trip trip lang. I was just lured by "An elephant vanishes; hunger drives a couple to rob McDonalds; an insomniac wife wakes in a different world," printed at the back cover. I didn't realize at first that the book is a series of short stories (until I got a bit confused of the transitions and Raymond informed me that the book is indeed all shorts.)

Anyway, after dinner, I made myself a comfortable reading nook at the edge of the bed and started browsing the previous pages (sort of a recap-- a habit like watching the preview of an earlier episode of Monk or Prison Break). He was busy chatting with his officemates-- reading out loud, from time to time, the content of their popup messages. Then, he asked me if I would recommend the book I've been reading for two weeks now. I said yes, with a comme ce comme sa expression because sometimes I'm into the book and other times I'm not. But I have my favorite story, I confessed. "Kwentuhan mo na lang ako". So I started passing on some details. In my own version, of course. "Kwentuhan mo ako nung nasa book. Sige na..." This time, he was more adamant (you know when someone won't stop unless he gets what he wants? ); he even turned off the computer and sat beside me. Curious and begging.

So I did. I started reading aloud "On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl on a Beautiful April Morning". He smiled. I was a little diffident at first because he might find the story sappy (BUT it's NOT sappy; sappy stories don't end with "A sad story, don't you think?"). Eventually, I got the hang of it-- pausing every so often to moisten my throat and modulate my voice. He would beam at times and make side comments, and I would continue my storytelling. It went on for half an hour, more or less.

"A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her."

And that was what I told him. It was the first time I read someone a story-- word for word. It was awkwardly amusing. =)

*****
I also have my "own particular favorite type" of a guy (one with broad shoulders and tall, or clean fingernails and toenails; or who does not slouch when he stands or walks; or who sports mild perfume; or who can play the piano; or who speaks confidently but does not go overboard, or who plays basketball; or who can carry faded straightcut jeans and semifit tee nicely; or who eats a double-scoop ice cream cone like it's the last one he can have and yet finishes it neatly, without any drop on his shirt) and catch myself looking at him. But the liking stops there.

As for my 100% perfect man, he's unmatched. Basta...akin na lang yon. =)

Goodnight.

Better than Caffeine

I thought I knew everything about my favorite blend-- what the barista often asks me "The usual?" the moment I step inside. But that night, my cup of choice had a peculiar aftertaste. Suprisingly, I was not even sure what had caused it. And the effect has been there for two days now.

==

Another suprise.

After the basketball game, which his team claimed victory with 25 points lead, we were supposed to watch The Departed at 11:15 PM, Eastwood cinema. Though the game ended earlier than the previous ones, it was already past the screening time. So we just decided to walk. I'm not familiar with Makati, especially at night (plus the fact that I'm not really good at directions in general). I remember we passed Rufino Tower, RCBC Plaza, and Rada Street. Then, we went to Greenbelt, hoping for a temporary asylum (well, actually, my feet were already aching). But the place was almost empty. At 12:30 AM. Strange.

We headed back to Eastwood. Manong taxi driver made an unsolicited yet friendly comment, telling us that people prefer Malate or Metrowalk these days. Oh..k.

We opted to stay there until the sun went up. And like "the usual", there were [untold] stories spilled out. I did not even need caffeine to wake up my mind. Neither did he. And that was the longest and strongest cup we had together. Pronounced, slightly sharp but never bitter.

Then, some things changed. Things we decided to leave with the coffee cups.

==

But it is still my favorite blend-- because it has always been. Roughly for 14 months. I can take the aftertaste. And any other things that come along with it.

*****
" So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing I've done
And it was all yellow."

We've grown so much in one day.

Nine

to the mushiest and most loving couple i've known,
happy 28th wedding anniversary!

*****
13 months and counting, kulet...
more little things to come, eric. =)

Kugos

*****
very much so.
happy anniversary, buddy ko... =)

Hammer Time

making a promise does not always require confidence to keep it,
but more of enough gathered courage to commit.
confidence is gained eventually. it's like making a bet;
you're not 100% sure your side will win.
but having strong faith it will, you stick to it with all your guts.

==
come and go. that's how things work these days. you know why?
because we're too focused on getting the big picture.
too absorbed with the numbers and figures.
but what's the point of all those flashy records
if you're losing your assets-- one by one?

oh come on. take a break from statistics.
focus on people. listen to reasons. meet halfway.

*****
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

ym status...
aouie - i've put my trust in you
dropsofjune - pushed as far as i can go
broe - i've tried so hard, and got so far
banzilla - but in the end, it doesn't really matter..
moo - Stepped out
(your dawgs in d' house will miss yah moo.)

tata: lagi na lang umuulan...

ay syet nakaka_LSS. hmm..buti pa si solo marunong nang mag-sit. effective kasi talaga yung reward system eh. miss ko na nga pala yung isang tao dyan. gusto ko nang mag-august.

Square One

even after a tall cup of strong white chocolate mocha, you're still half-awake. the pending papers are still, well, pending-- waiting for mouse click in your notepad's to-do-list-before-june-30. you try to grab as many work loads as you can, like kobe bryant when he scored 81 baskets, a career high, in the previous nba playoffs. the only difference is that his was much exciting than yours (and he has the lakers fans to back him up). you observe that the person sitting next to you is banging his head. good for him. you look for an unused headset (since you don't have one) and randomly choose your playlist for the day. you tap your fingers, distracting the person sitting infront of you, probably contemplating the number of cases the team has received or the upcoming fight of pacquiao. pretending not to notice what you might have caused, you simply glance at the window as if it's your latest downloaded 3d screensaver. and there it is-- clear sky, dull skyline. perfect.

==

time lapses are frequent this month. almost everyone is in the same mood-- cautious about the time and paranoid about communication (and false impression). some are standing impatiently at the ticket line. others just hit the road by impulse, with little preparation and without any warning. the temper is somehow contagious. so what you do is fashion a fallback plan just in case you fall short on pulling things up (and since you've been missing some small details lately). but for now, you try to enjoy coldplay's second album, track number four. thank god for the spare headset.

you'll be logging off in a few hours anyway. you may want to watch superman, or just crawl back into bed.

*****
“Running in circles, chasing our tails…”

Si Solo

*****
macho gwapito...=D

In-thing

Things have been a little crazy lately. Crazy in an amusing way, I suppose.

We've been taking this "parenting" stuff seriously. We've become avid lurkers of various forums and other Web sites, researching for recommended diet and vets. Nakaka-OC yung details. Our "dates" now usually involve pet shop visits in different malls, doing some window-shopping for a shampoo, supplements, teether, toys, and other accessories. We almost familiarized ourselves with every shop in Cartimar finding a comfy crate, as well as the whole stretch of the Mall of Asia looking for Animal House and Bio-Research (even though it was our excuse to get there, hehe). Our previous individual paycheck has been allotted mostly on his needs, and our time on him. Medyo naging homebody kami ("domesticated", to grace's vocabulary :P). But absolutely, no regrets. And our playful little guy has been giving us relief since day one.

[We’re still undecided about the dog food brand. But we’re 80% on Canidae. Hopefully, we’ll be able to make up our mind within the day.]

*****
They say that "beagles are hard to train”.
Well, so far, he responds to "Solo, come…" The rest? Hmm..bahala na si batman. =)

Off-topic.. noticed the newly opened Kopi Roti branch at the Mall of Asia. Reminded me of their coffee, which tastes good and costs relatively cheap. And their kopi bun-- a soft coffee-flavored bun with butter inside-- hmmm...tempting. They have branches along Katipunan Avenue and Tomas Morato. Worth a try. ;-)

Solo

*****
home, after all. been keeping us occupied lately. =)
four months old seven days from now.

Rims and Hover

*****
IX. Tuesday was a detour. ;=)
hmmm...kanya-kanyang trip lang, hehe.

Plug

i want a beagle.

*****
male, 4-7 months, tri-color.
willing to adopt. we'll make him feel at home, promise.=)

Sand Spin 2

*****
Early summer. February 19-20. White Beach, Puerto Galera.

Quick Fix 2

Too Many Nights
J. Kilcher
It's been
too many nights
of being with
to now be suddenly
without

*****

Three years and seven months. That's a record. Enough reason to be sad.

Got a number of hugs from my teammates. Had a little one-on-one chat with Colleen, Kat, and Job. Made some wacky handshakes with Macky, Mayee, and Ar. But never got the chance to talk to Jovi, Leyn, and some PSS friends. And Eric.

I thought, I was doing pretty well with my discreet way of telling people I am going away. But nooo. While waiting for Paulie and Tin outside the Robinson's ATM booth, I had that one last chance to tell my story to Eric. Miray was also there. Pero ano kaya yun. Wala naman akong nasabi. I had been rehearsing this remarkable speech on my mind but nothing articulate came out. But the best thing I could do was to rub his arms. Strange. He then hugged me, the longest I had for the day. A bit poignant, that scene. No exhange of thank-you's or whatever. Just a straightforward, tight hug. 'Nuf said. For "the shares", coffee breaks, noteworthy's, mcdo/zuppa breakfast's, and eccentricities, thank you. And I apologize for not giving a hint-- but maybe it's better that way.

I'll miss you guys.

"Let's waste time chasing cars around our heads."

This Much

"So ba't swept away?"
"Wala lang..=)"
"Di nga, tips naman jan para magka-idea ako."

[One of those chat conversations I had with a guy friend several months ago, noticing my YM status, which I had actually copied from him.]

==

Walk with her. When you do, she tells you lots of things, plus you see whose known personality is walking what breed of dog. Act like you're both kids. Buy a frisbee or a remote controlled car, and bring it to Sunken Garden for a test drive. Watch Love Me If You Dare or I Laugh You with her. It makes that film or play more absorbing for her. Play some baskets. Try to make not less than 50 points so that you can give her another game for free. And oh-- let her commit personal fouls occasionally. Read some of the books she read and remind her a few lines, which she has obviously forgotten. She might find her memory a little annoying but she always appreciates the effort you give to understand the details. Write her a letter no matter how bad your handwriting is. Confessing there your fears resolves some of her random thoughts. Tell her you love her old perfume. Then, tell her you're starting to love the new scent. Go for a roadtrip. You know she'll go anywhere with you. Tell her where you are. It makes her feel safe. Try a new resto and daringly order an eccentric cuisine. Then, decide whether it deserves a second time. Give her a hand or foot massage once in a while. Tell her she's stubborn when she is. She badly needs you to do that. Fix her a warm lemonade when she has a sore throat so that she stops fooling around with her voice. Learn to like Dashboard Confessionals, know their chords, and play them for her. She doesn't mind if you're in falsetto or you don't get the exact strumming; she enjoys it anyway. Know how to cut, dissolve, feather, and slo-mo, even though you’re using Linux. Be her gaffer in her video coverage. When you're there she doesn't notice the time, and the hassles the production brings. Let her step on your feet, and pretend that you're dancing with her. She used to do that with her Pa. Play pool or basketball with her overly introvert brother. Watching the two of you sharing some fun makes her smile. Surprise her with a pair of rubber shoes that fits her size just so. You know she always pampers her feet. Always bring an extra handkerchief whenever you go out with her, just in case she forgets to bring one--which happens most of the time. Introduce her to your family and make her feel at home. She could be a bit edgy, but she'll get the hang of it. Invite her for lunch and cook her favorite dish when the budget is tight for a date. Spend the whole afternoon or evening with her watching the latest pirated DVDs you've bought-- it is the most convenient time to cuddle. Give her a missed call when you think of her right in the middle of your busy schedule. Allow her to steal kisses from you. It's her childish way of being intimate. Swap stories with her on how your day has been. It lightens the missing part. Let her complain when the line is getting longer or when the computer crashes. Then, tell her you'll come over and pick her up. Let her fall asleep in your arms. You're giving her the most serene time-out. Hold her hand-- she loves it, especially the whole time you're inside the church. Kiss her-- she finds it sincere, especially when the priest says "Peace be with you". Embrace her-- it reassures her of your company, especially as soon as the mass ends. And before the end of the day, tell her you love her. Just because you do.

==

Why swept away? Because she has you.

*****
"A woman's heart should be so close to God's
that a man has to seek Him to find her."

i feel mushy today, hehe. oist, kulet...it's 9 again. thank you so much. *kugos*

Sand Spin

we just had our early summer this week. the timing was perfect.

while most people were heading back to the city (back to the usual boring day jobs, that is), we set off equipped with two backpacks, a 1.5 liter of bottled mineral water, a fully charged video camera, and a few vacation tips we had digged up from google. we cruised south riding blue pelican ferry boat for our next stop: white beach, puerto galera.

off-peak means an almost picture perfect vacation. clear and cool waters. fine sand. less people. way cheaper accommodation. fun snorkling. calming night shoreline stroll and full-body beachside massage. though there were some minor flaws, like the wrong choice of resto for our first lunch, which was relatively expensive for a chicken barbeque (or was it a kebab?) and stuffed squid, the manongs who doggedly invite you for banana boat rides or a snorkling to the nearby and not-so-nearby islands or island-hopping, the masseuses who persistently offer their hard and soft massage services, and losing his pair of sunglasses [that I like, by the way, because those specs looked good on him], we can't still deny that the stay was really one of a kind.

we've learned to love that beach. and the snorkling? that was the best part. too bad, our camera does not have enough technology to conquer the waters. and above all, his company-- nothing beat that. nothing can, really. aynaku...*kugos*

*****
4 out of 5 stars, sabi nya. =)
tips? learn to haggle. go on weekdays. want the sand. swim, no rush.

getting ready for our fifth road trip. anywhere.

Mi Luv Yuh

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride;
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

[excerpt, Neruda's Sonnet XVII. 100 Love Sonnets,1960.]
*****
basta...=)
hmm..coldplay's been eating up my playlist lately.

Playing God

I've just learned that I killed someone last night. I stabbed him several times right through his chest. Then, I grabbed a gun and pointed it at him, aiming at his temple. But I changed my target and pulled the trigger, directing it closely towards his heart. I shot once..twice..thrice..until I lost my count and every bullet was consumed. But I didn't stop there. Using bare hands, I had pulled out his heart, crumpled it with my strongest grip. Then, I pinned it to my soles so that I can step on it when I walk away from him.

The crime I did.

My 4-page confession letter has had that effect on him-- tearing him a part, and leaving an excruciating pain and sympathy not only to him but also to those who had witnessed the way his heart collapsed.

I feel for him-- for making him feel that he has just died. I feel for those around him-- for struggling to help him breathe again. And I feel for me-- for letting my heart think for the past ten months and some months before that.

But my heart has been doing an excellent job. It has proven its worth.

I shouldn't plead guilty.

*****
but somehow i am. i feel you and i'm so sorry.

"And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to

fix you..."

- Coldplay's Fix You.

Track 12

I remember the TV ad you showed me last year. It starts with this little girl excitedly cutting off her hair like a young lady putting on her make up for a prom date. The girl is relentless, going back and forth, and checking her looks on the mirror until she's done and her head’s totally shaved. The door bell rings. Her eyes glow as she hurriedly runs toward the door and opens it. A skinny, bald young boy is in the front door, patiently waiting. It’s her brother accompanied by their parents.

I don't precisely recall how the ad ends. My idea is that she cuts off her hair so that her brother won't feel different and they'll share the experience of being bald. But yours is that she gives every strand of her hair to him unconditionally and with no hesitation probably to make him feel that nothing has changed and everything's alright.

At some point, our versions meant exactly the same thing.

[It is a TV ad for kids with cancer.]

*****
tough times. but you're tougher. you know why? well, i do.

Horse Play

*****
Thanks to Miray for introducing Koine One Acts. Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos, with all its sarcasm, has made my first toilet visit after the play quite memorable. I Laugh You was so hilarious. Period. And thanks to you-- for trying new things with me (kahit minsan medyo hesitant ka, hehe).

Pun Intended

I knew it was coming. That editing machine finally gave up last week, leaving me with a long overdue project, forcing me to beg for successive and confusing offsets, testing my self-proclaimed passion for editing, and pushing me to whine every so often. And, oh, giving me a put on nerve to commute to and from las piñas to make use of a working pc (thanks to Mai and Paul, and Niknok -- my "young picasso" inaanak who, at two, treats any surface he can reach as his own canvas). These hassles. Darn. My thought-out timetable for January has already been messed up. I planned to loosen up for a while, and focus on reviewing for MCP or finishing the first season of naruto as well as the two paperbacks lying on my bedside table for almost a year now. And yes, the weekends and off-shifts were supposed to be light. But then, came this "crisis". Hmm...ok, that might be an overstatement, but the thing is -- THIS is already hacking me off. [I wasn't even able to update my blog, which I had been planning to do right after we returned from a week vacation in the province.] These hassles. Darn.

*****
Good thing there was Narnia, which, according to you, is 2 out of 5 stars. Then there was Euro Star Carnival, which convinced Lei not to call you freak anymore because the two of you had braved and had fun with that Joker Ride. Most importantly, in between my shift and yours, there were brief hugs and infinite stories. Looking forward to our summer this February...=)

By the way, I happened to watch a guy contestant singing Out of My League in a TV show early last week. The song has an addicting effect on me suprisingly, hehe.

Chapter Five

Cheers to the Guy in Red

Latest fastfood find with Gaby: Pupung and Friends Pinoy fastfood at the Entertainment Building of the Mall of Asia. It has an appetizing, pocket-friendly, lutong-bahay menu. Must-try: pusit, tuna belly kebab, and buttered togue. Guinumis and breaded bangus are so-so, however.
Remember the comics? Hmm..yup, I'm that old. =)
=================

I just LOVE dolphins.
[Apologies to the animal activists. I respect animal rights. But I just couldn't help not to see them.]
=================

Ramen! Ramen! Ramen! A snack size was enough to boost our chakras. [Watching too much Naruto, I guess.]

*****
Happy birthday, buddy ko! *kugos*

Sipty

*****
12.14.2005. jack's loft-gweilos hop.team's year-ender.
super thanks to trigger happy pia for the pics. =)

Crimson

*****
nanay. a great cook, storyteller, seamstress, and teacher.
april 9, 1924 - december 5, 2005

(eric is right. "it's the little things and the joy they bring...")

November

*****
11.181920.05.
next stop...

**

*****
long sunday. sorry...

Firefly

*****
Chapter Three.
(sorry about the starbucks thing. i should've explained a bit more,
and not just assumed that you had already understood.
anlabo ko minsan no? aynaku...)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

*

Upshot

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing."

I was languidly browsing last Sunday's Philippine Star issue when I stumbled upon this line, which had been borrowed from the book I KISSED DATING GOODBYE.. I almost forgot that I was waiting for my cup of coffee. The thought carried me off a little bit. Soon afterwards, I was recognizing a number of wrong things I bumped into- - including people.

Of course- - timing, it is. But all things considered, some of the wrong timings are blessings in disguise.

*****
it was the wrong thing, broe.
"i don't hate people i understand." there are some instances that you do. wala ka namang choice minsan eh.

Circus

*****
my team. we come in peace. =P

Compromise, Remember?

If you don't want me
to go for something, just tell
me and, most likely,

I won't.

You seem very cautious of
how you're going to
respond especially when

it someway does not
agree with what you feel.

*****
And what you feel counts.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

Draw Lots

until 70?
that would be a bit soon. how about 80?
too old. that would be tough.
still be capable of dribbling a basketball.
relative to the current diet and lifestyle, 80 would be a struggle.
i insist.
70. renewal afterward.
believe me, 80 is a nice number.
...
...
fine. 80 then.

*****
remember the game of chance? all the participants are taken to an expansive forest, blindfolded, and instructed to run as fast and as far as they can. the last man running, wins. that's how we are going to get there. and that's how life is going to get us.

palagay ko, kaya naman. let's just take one lap at a time and strive to keep the trust safely.

Numbered

5 days.
6 projects.
4 mcdo meals and some sandwiches.
3 no-drowse decolgen tablets.
i miss you by incubus. over and over and over again.

*****
long week...=(

Wordplay

We spent it on two Spanish reels--
both have characters professing
"No te quiero mas."

Picking up the phrase saves their lives.
Finishing the sundaes braces ours.

****
Strawberries and chocolates. Chapter Two.

All In

notice the progress we have made. we are good at it, aren't we? no more missed calls and beggings. no more blaming and enmity. no more updates from both sides.

i know i can't speak for you because until now i still don't have any idea of how you have been handling everything. but i hope you have managed.

i had no guts to ask you then. i shoved aside talks about you for the past several months. maybe there was an ounce of guilt. maybe i was embarrassed to stand that it was completely over. maybe i was too cowed to acknowledge that somehow we had failed.

i am so sorry. i already told you this many times.

but six months were enough. things changed, lots of them (though i let them linger for quite sometime). and i have opted to believe that we didn't fail at all. because if we did, it would've taken us a longer time to pull through. because if we did, i wouldn't have trusted someone again the same way i trusted you.

you see, moving on isn't all about letting time sort out everything. it demands individual effort. it is nursing your own wounds, not pampering the pain. it is acceptance. and a choice.

i am fine now. and i hope you are, too.

*****
THANKS,bj.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

Collide

sobrang guts yon ah. i'm impressed.

rewind. three nights ago. that was one of the risky conversations that we had. to top it off, you initiated the whole thing. you said a lot and, at the same time, revealed a lot. i was more of a listener. you were talking about things as if you were only thinking out loud. no holds barred. freeing.

rewind. the night before. may kwento na naman ako. i wasn't sure if the messages were delayed or you found it somehow daunting to react. but the intervals were sufficient for thinking. did i say too much? did i rouse your defenses?

rewind. the past three weeks. more reserved random thoughts. no room for poetry. just exploring.

*****
i am speaking for you speaking of fears.

Chapter One

*****
definitely, worth discovering. and way better than perfect.
balik tayo dun ha buddy? =)

(snapshots of sonya's garden and caleruega church courtesy of community.webshots,
pbase.com/tekgik, caleruega.philippines.com, and viloria.com)

Tried and True

Hand-painted on a navy blue coffee mug is a line by the famed Anonymous:

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,
it became a butterfly."

I would love to own one and imagine how my day starts with that mug on my hand--
thinking for more casual whims and tossing them around.

You, conversely, would be wondering the same thing. A little embarrassed,
you would be exposing your intimate convictions, vindicating all possibilities, and
exploring more about yourself.

I would be listening to you absorbedly-- throwing side comments from time to time.

And we would keep this habit for as long as we can, not minding if it would never stop.

*****
later... =)

Shun the Peon

2:38 AM. Waiting for anything. Aircondition sound amplifies the boredom. No reply for my sorry. 2:41 AM. Still a blank notepad. No trace of sane words. 2:43 AM. Just got his goodnight text. Arrgggh! Lag again. Darn the networks. 2:46 AM. Rice toppings in the adjacent cube is tempting-- smells like teriyaki-- well-cooked and served hot. Air from that direction tastes very sweet. Teases my stomach, which by now wants to snub my seafood cup noodles, courtesy of 7/11. 2:53 AM. Finally, a progress is coming into view. A paragraph of several phrases, giving its best shots of nonsense at this hour of the day, is emerging. 3:01 AM. Be dead to the world.

*****
Windows Media Player sets to Repeat. Angels or Devils. I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold. Pause. 5:03 AM. Pachelbel's Canon in D Chord. I miss you. Repeat.

Can't wait to go home...

Blogged It

Nag-iisip. Wala kasing magawa, kaya napapa-iisip. Some men have all the luck. For some reason, yan yung nagpi-play sa utak ko kanina habang nag-aabang ng FX. May nami-miss akong isang tao, sarap i-hug. Pag nagti-text ako, I usually spell out the words unless kulang na sa space. Ayoko kaya nung "me" kapalit nung "ako" or "'ko". Irritating sya, basta . Pero yung taglish, nati-take ko na. Parang ganito. Kelangan ko ng caffeine mamayang gabi-- hot and grande of an unfamiliar blend. I'll steal some sleep tonight (hope eric meister won't mind). Care ko kung may 2 kamera sa paligid, di naman ako makikita dun-- strategic location kaya yung cube ko. Nakita ko kanina yung trailer ng Wicker Park sa Star Movies-- hmmm, ang hot ni Josh Hartnett. Gusto ko tuloy panuorin. I like broad shoulders, I can lean on them, sleep on them. Kelangan ko nang mag-MCP exam. Lagot. I badly need a motivation. Ba't kaya may mga EX pa 'no? Why can't we all have or be a current, and stay that way? But I know why. Makulit ba 'ko? Ha? Ha? Ha? Kung oo, eh ano naman ngayon? =D

Ay ang gulo. Pero ganyan ako minsan mag-isip. Random. Hindi structured. Walang definite direction. In short, may kalabuan. Kaya nga mas gusto ko na sinasabi ko agad kase kung hindi, makakalimutan ko kung ano man yon eventually. Tsaka, ngayon ko lang napansin-- taglish din pala 'ko mag-isip. Cool.

Magsusulat dapat ako ng isang magandang haiku pero nauwi ako sa ganito. And come to think of it--- I have no idea why. Anlakas pa ng ulan sa labas. Bad trip, mababasa na naman yung mga paa ko... =(

Your Venus

Cause I will be your force
And I will be your right

And I will be your sword
And I will be your might

And I will be your days
And I will be your nights

And I will watch over you like a satellite.

*****
fragments of collective soul's satellite

Page 89

they meet halfway and,
from there, begin to write the
story they have been
deeming for quite sometime.

"how should we end it?"
he asks, looking at her a
little hesitant
"should we?" she replies, beaming

at him. "no," he says,
"it's supposed to be ceaseless."
she feels the linen,
"so let this be chapter one."

*****
that's what you call a rhetorical question.
=)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

August

While waiting for the
last rain to fall, the moon peeks
shyly tonight-- stumped,
marveling, and mesmerized.

***
Swept away...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

"don't get a grip. slide.." - harinawa

...lakbay tayo kahit san.
=)

*****
sana tayo na. sana lang yun ha? sana...
just stay.

*****
sana, one day..we can go on a trip..
di naman corny yun ah...we'll do that.

*****
kwentuhan ulit tayo bukas... tulungan mo 'ko magkwento buddy ha?
ako rin may kwento. =)

Blow

last shift, broe and i had this nice chat about an issue he's currently in. and no matter how hard we both tried to make the conversation as light as possible, truth still turned up bittersweet.

broe: wala na kasi itong tolerance sa mga sabit sabit sa mga relasyon e. parang gusto na ngang kumawala. ayoko nga! i always say to her na kaya pa yan!

===

me: you only have one shot at destiny *or whatever you call it*
broe: maganda yan!
me: di maganda yun..totoo yun

===

broe: e pano kung barahin nya ko, sabihin nya i blew it?
me: naku..wag mo sabihin yon sa kanya
me: parang you're threatening her
broe: ang sagot ko jan, if u say i blew it, then im succesful. shots are intended to blow something di ba? hahahaha
me: naku...ewan ko lang ha
broe: sige di ko nlng sasabihin

===

broe: alam mo
broe: kung sakaling hindi kami, parang feeling ko ang dali dali ko ng magmahal. ganda ng training ko e!

===

me: and you know what..all love stories are almost the same
me: nasa sayo na kung pano mo gagawan ng "twist"
broe: nako jan ako magaling, sa twist
broe: ay twisted ata sa kin

===

broe: kung effort lang sis, puntos hakot tlaga
broe: kaso rito, isang scratch lang tapos ang laro e
broe: back to zero
me: that's sad..but what makes it worse is that it really happens
me: ganon talaga..
broe: hahaha! true that it happens. not true that it's sad
broe: i find 'ganon tlaga' things funny
me: i mean, yung "isang scratch lang..."
broe: oo yun nga. kakatawa
me: yun yung sad kse may limit na agad
broe: na kahit anong hirap, a miniscule mistake ruins it. do u find dis eksena funny? a deck of cards na ginawang astig na castle tapos biglang bumagsak coz of just a piece? i do. parang ganon
broe: ang consuelo nlng dun e kahit papano it was achived o almost there
me: funny ba yon..
me: di kaya but i like the parallelism
broe: if you look at it outside d box it is. pero kung hindi mo aalisin sarili mo, talo ka
me: and the thing is.. lagi kasama sarili mo
broe: for that part, matter of perspective nlng tlaga magse-save sa sanity mo

*****

broe, sorry naka-broadcast. malaman kse yung mga sinabi mo-- lalo na yung theory mo sa astig na castle. =)

update: one day after the chat, nasira na completely yung astig na castle...=(

The Catcher

I am way stronger than my fear.


*******
My WHAT IF simply tries to answer your HOW.
Nothing to worry about. =)