Down South: Bohol

Kicking off the trail with a 2-hour fastcraft ride to Bohol from Pier 1, Cebu City.

Down to Loboc for the Loboc River Cruise.

Up to Carmen for the Chocolate Hills.

Finishing our Bohol hop with the tarsiers, Loay Church, Baclayon Church, and Blood Compact Site.

Overheads: roughly P4,600 (1st day)

Peppermint Mocha To Go

Triple Treat

One of the best mornings I've ever had.

It's not only because of waking up with that hug. It's also because of waking up knowing I had been understood no matter how unfeeling my action was. Trust me, I had good intentions. It's just that my way of making them happen sucked big time. I was too careful not to hurt anyone, most especially you, yet I ended up with rash decisions-- lousy ones. Consequently, everything was left hanging in the air. Or it appeared to be.

I'm so sorry if you felt it again. 'lam ko, ambigat nun. No more third time, I promise.

Mi luv yah.

===

Aside from patching-up, we had our feet pamper today. We tried Val's suggestion, the authentic Thai foot massage in City Walk, Glorietta 3. They offer foot massage, foot spa, foot scrub, and the combo of the three--foot nirvana. The damage was P650 per person (if you have their promo coupon, you can avail it for 580), and the whole thing lasted for an hour and nine minutes, 21 minutes earlier than what has been printed on their list, with complimentary iced tea or ginger hot tea and half-body massage. I was somehow satisfied with the massage service, but not with the chitchat the personnel made from time to time and their lighting (dim, but not dim enough). Hmmm..he was not so pleased with his foot nirvana. Aaay...=(

Next time, we'll just try Solemates in Eastwood or Footloose in Tomas Morato.

===

*****
happy 16th. *kugos*

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.
If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Spree on Foot

*****
Weekend stop at Avilon Zoological Park in Montalban, Rizal. Saturday, nice weather.

P26 FX fare from Philcoa + medium traffic. P20 tryc fare + rough road. P200 entrance fee and P96 packed lunch + 7.5-hectare zoo. A half-day time off with flamingoes, arapaimas, sunbear, puma, kangaroo, wild boars, mini horse, jaguar, crocs, cobras, among others. And of course, birds-- lots of birds.

P400 more or less per person for this eco trip + quality time under your own steam, not bad. =)

Drift Off

i usually browse a broadsheet newspaper cover to cover, starting at page 1. personally, it is the easiest, most convenient, and most sensible way of deciding which articles to read. or, whether to read at all because sometimes it feels like everything is just one and the same. but yesterday morning, i unconsciously picked up the entertainment section, jumping right at the cartoons page. for no reason.

i realized that this morning. i was tempted to check that page out again (which had already been lying unperturbedly in our bathroom sink). and here is what has soaked me up in one of the comic strips:

"if the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, that would suffice."
-- meister eckhart

i'm not sure if it has anything to do with my sudden break from routines. but i'm glad i leafed through it. no spiritual effect whatsoever, though. the line just sounded real, plainspoken. some sort of reaffirmation of the last talk we had.

*****
i'm not feeling really well today. this cold-- makes me feel a little worn-out. i miss my bed. but with "stolen" and "comfortable" on my playlist, in repeat mode, the night would not be that bad. i could steal a nap later on.

(yung last song dahil kay tin, ang shiftmate kong may pagka-lost din. dini-deny lang naman nya eh. =P )

Up For Grabs

it was a nice surprise last night. he arrived at home, smiling, and prodding me to make a guess. he went upstairs, then returned with three tickets to the final match. excellent seats by the way (reminds me of the last PBA game we watched). i thought we would be watching the bout four, probably five hours delayed telecast (which is fine by me, hehe). at malamang may mga spoiler na nun (which is not so fine).

hmm..three more days-- and it would be a great date with Nay.

excited na, aynaku. rooting for pacman obviously.

*****
honestly, my guess was right. i just didn't blurt it out. baka kase mali, ma-disappoint ka rin. besides, the probability of getting tickets was really low. kaya nga impressive eh. thanks, kulet. *kugos*

===
the verdict: it's southpaw over orthodox! our guy ended the pacquiao-morales trilogy, knocking down the Tijuana native thrice before the latter had conceded defeat at 2:57 of round three. the match was surprising and fast. it was not just inside the thomas and mack center that the pacman crowd took pride with every knockdown and unanticipated right punch. it was everywhere.

and we wrapped it up with rice toppings and pancit canton from chowking. what a day... =D

Carbo Flight

We had a carbo-loaded late lunch in a traditional Italian way yesterday at Amici di Don Bosco, the almost unnoticeable and unpretentious cafeteria-style resto in Arnaiz Street, Makati. Love their quattro formaggi. We had four left over slices, which we finished off at dinner -- that was after six hours-- yet the taste was consistently divine and we both agreed to that. And the pasta with their house sauce-- hmmmn, al dente. Plus their dine-in gelato in numerous flavors. Taste-tested three different single-scoop flavors: lemon (which was too sour for him--notice the 2nd row 4th pic taken just after he guzzled his first spoonful), chocolate marble (which we both digged), and cappuccino (which I liked and he somehow liked). Too bad, there was no more pistachio when we got there at the gelato counter. Considering the size of each serving and the taste, the price is relatively fair. Or should I say justly expensive? Price range is around P120-300 for pizza/pasta/other dishes and desserts. Most, if not all, servings are good for two. For the gelato, it's P35 per scoop. Certainly, worth a second try and more.

That day. Delizioso. =)

*****
Happy 15th, mio migliore amico, mio solamente uno..*abbracciare*

Sundown

i feel bad. snapping at you just like that for no particular reason.
and even if i had one, it would have been too shallow. i was too shallow.
a lousy excuse to react that way. the impulsiveness in me again.

i'm so sorry.

*****
thank you for putting up with me (and for always trying). *kugos*

Just The Thing

It would've started "Once a upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

It's the line from one of the short stories in Haruki Murakami's The Elephant Vanishes. I bought it from National Bookstore in Eastwood as my incentive to myself for another month (another payday). In short, wala lang talaga-- trip trip lang. I was just lured by "An elephant vanishes; hunger drives a couple to rob McDonalds; an insomniac wife wakes in a different world," printed at the back cover. I didn't realize at first that the book is a series of short stories (until I got a bit confused of the transitions and Raymond informed me that the book is indeed all shorts.)

Anyway, after dinner, I made myself a comfortable reading nook at the edge of the bed and started browsing the previous pages (sort of a recap-- a habit like watching the preview of an earlier episode of Monk or Prison Break). He was busy chatting with his officemates-- reading out loud, from time to time, the content of their popup messages. Then, he asked me if I would recommend the book I've been reading for two weeks now. I said yes, with a comme ce comme sa expression because sometimes I'm into the book and other times I'm not. But I have my favorite story, I confessed. "Kwentuhan mo na lang ako". So I started passing on some details. In my own version, of course. "Kwentuhan mo ako nung nasa book. Sige na..." This time, he was more adamant (you know when someone won't stop unless he gets what he wants? ); he even turned off the computer and sat beside me. Curious and begging.

So I did. I started reading aloud "On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl on a Beautiful April Morning". He smiled. I was a little diffident at first because he might find the story sappy (BUT it's NOT sappy; sappy stories don't end with "A sad story, don't you think?"). Eventually, I got the hang of it-- pausing every so often to moisten my throat and modulate my voice. He would beam at times and make side comments, and I would continue my storytelling. It went on for half an hour, more or less.

"A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her."

And that was what I told him. It was the first time I read someone a story-- word for word. It was awkwardly amusing. =)

*****
I also have my "own particular favorite type" of a guy (one with broad shoulders and tall, or clean fingernails and toenails; or who does not slouch when he stands or walks; or who sports mild perfume; or who can play the piano; or who speaks confidently but does not go overboard, or who plays basketball; or who can carry faded straightcut jeans and semifit tee nicely; or who eats a double-scoop ice cream cone like it's the last one he can have and yet finishes it neatly, without any drop on his shirt) and catch myself looking at him. But the liking stops there.

As for my 100% perfect man, he's unmatched. Basta...akin na lang yon. =)

Goodnight.

Better than Caffeine

I thought I knew everything about my favorite blend-- what the barista often asks me "The usual?" the moment I step inside. But that night, my cup of choice had a peculiar aftertaste. Suprisingly, I was not even sure what had caused it. And the effect has been there for two days now.

==

Another suprise.

After the basketball game, which his team claimed victory with 25 points lead, we were supposed to watch The Departed at 11:15 PM, Eastwood cinema. Though the game ended earlier than the previous ones, it was already past the screening time. So we just decided to walk. I'm not familiar with Makati, especially at night (plus the fact that I'm not really good at directions in general). I remember we passed Rufino Tower, RCBC Plaza, and Rada Street. Then, we went to Greenbelt, hoping for a temporary asylum (well, actually, my feet were already aching). But the place was almost empty. At 12:30 AM. Strange.

We headed back to Eastwood. Manong taxi driver made an unsolicited yet friendly comment, telling us that people prefer Malate or Metrowalk these days. Oh..k.

We opted to stay there until the sun went up. And like "the usual", there were [untold] stories spilled out. I did not even need caffeine to wake up my mind. Neither did he. And that was the longest and strongest cup we had together. Pronounced, slightly sharp but never bitter.

Then, some things changed. Things we decided to leave with the coffee cups.

==

But it is still my favorite blend-- because it has always been. Roughly for 14 months. I can take the aftertaste. And any other things that come along with it.

*****
" So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing I've done
And it was all yellow."

We've grown so much in one day.

Nine

to the mushiest and most loving couple i've known,
happy 28th wedding anniversary!

*****
13 months and counting, kulet...
more little things to come, eric. =)

Kugos

*****
very much so.
happy anniversary, buddy ko... =)

Hammer Time

making a promise does not always require confidence to keep it,
but more of enough gathered courage to commit.
confidence is gained eventually. it's like making a bet;
you're not 100% sure your side will win.
but having strong faith it will, you stick to it with all your guts.

==
come and go. that's how things work these days. you know why?
because we're too focused on getting the big picture.
too absorbed with the numbers and figures.
but what's the point of all those flashy records
if you're losing your assets-- one by one?

oh come on. take a break from statistics.
focus on people. listen to reasons. meet halfway.

*****
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

ym status...
aouie - i've put my trust in you
dropsofjune - pushed as far as i can go
broe - i've tried so hard, and got so far
banzilla - but in the end, it doesn't really matter..
moo - Stepped out
(your dawgs in d' house will miss yah moo.)

tata: lagi na lang umuulan...

ay syet nakaka_LSS. hmm..buti pa si solo marunong nang mag-sit. effective kasi talaga yung reward system eh. miss ko na nga pala yung isang tao dyan. gusto ko nang mag-august.

Square One

even after a tall cup of strong white chocolate mocha, you're still half-awake. the pending papers are still, well, pending-- waiting for mouse click in your notepad's to-do-list-before-june-30. you try to grab as many work loads as you can, like kobe bryant when he scored 81 baskets, a career high, in the previous nba playoffs. the only difference is that his was much exciting than yours (and he has the lakers fans to back him up). you observe that the person sitting next to you is banging his head. good for him. you look for an unused headset (since you don't have one) and randomly choose your playlist for the day. you tap your fingers, distracting the person sitting infront of you, probably contemplating the number of cases the team has received or the upcoming fight of pacquiao. pretending not to notice what you might have caused, you simply glance at the window as if it's your latest downloaded 3d screensaver. and there it is-- clear sky, dull skyline. perfect.

==

time lapses are frequent this month. almost everyone is in the same mood-- cautious about the time and paranoid about communication (and false impression). some are standing impatiently at the ticket line. others just hit the road by impulse, with little preparation and without any warning. the temper is somehow contagious. so what you do is fashion a fallback plan just in case you fall short on pulling things up (and since you've been missing some small details lately). but for now, you try to enjoy coldplay's second album, track number four. thank god for the spare headset.

you'll be logging off in a few hours anyway. you may want to watch superman, or just crawl back into bed.

*****
“Running in circles, chasing our tails…”

Si Solo

*****
macho gwapito...=D

In-thing

Things have been a little crazy lately. Crazy in an amusing way, I suppose.

We've been taking this "parenting" stuff seriously. We've become avid lurkers of various forums and other Web sites, researching for recommended diet and vets. Nakaka-OC yung details. Our "dates" now usually involve pet shop visits in different malls, doing some window-shopping for a shampoo, supplements, teether, toys, and other accessories. We almost familiarized ourselves with every shop in Cartimar finding a comfy crate, as well as the whole stretch of the Mall of Asia looking for Animal House and Bio-Research (even though it was our excuse to get there, hehe). Our previous individual paycheck has been allotted mostly on his needs, and our time on him. Medyo naging homebody kami ("domesticated", to grace's vocabulary :P). But absolutely, no regrets. And our playful little guy has been giving us relief since day one.

[We’re still undecided about the dog food brand. But we’re 80% on Canidae. Hopefully, we’ll be able to make up our mind within the day.]

*****
They say that "beagles are hard to train”.
Well, so far, he responds to "Solo, come…" The rest? Hmm..bahala na si batman. =)

Off-topic.. noticed the newly opened Kopi Roti branch at the Mall of Asia. Reminded me of their coffee, which tastes good and costs relatively cheap. And their kopi bun-- a soft coffee-flavored bun with butter inside-- hmmm...tempting. They have branches along Katipunan Avenue and Tomas Morato. Worth a try. ;-)

Solo

*****
home, after all. been keeping us occupied lately. =)
four months old seven days from now.

Rims and Hover

*****
IX. Tuesday was a detour. ;=)
hmmm...kanya-kanyang trip lang, hehe.

Plug

i want a beagle.

*****
male, 4-7 months, tri-color.
willing to adopt. we'll make him feel at home, promise.=)

Sand Spin 2

*****
Early summer. February 19-20. White Beach, Puerto Galera.

Quick Fix 2

Too Many Nights
J. Kilcher
It's been
too many nights
of being with
to now be suddenly
without

*****

Three years and seven months. That's a record. Enough reason to be sad.

Got a number of hugs from my teammates. Had a little one-on-one chat with Colleen, Kat, and Job. Made some wacky handshakes with Macky, Mayee, and Ar. But never got the chance to talk to Jovi, Leyn, and some PSS friends. And Eric.

I thought, I was doing pretty well with my discreet way of telling people I am going away. But nooo. While waiting for Paulie and Tin outside the Robinson's ATM booth, I had that one last chance to tell my story to Eric. Miray was also there. Pero ano kaya yun. Wala naman akong nasabi. I had been rehearsing this remarkable speech on my mind but nothing articulate came out. But the best thing I could do was to rub his arms. Strange. He then hugged me, the longest I had for the day. A bit poignant, that scene. No exhange of thank-you's or whatever. Just a straightforward, tight hug. 'Nuf said. For "the shares", coffee breaks, noteworthy's, mcdo/zuppa breakfast's, and eccentricities, thank you. And I apologize for not giving a hint-- but maybe it's better that way.

I'll miss you guys.

"Let's waste time chasing cars around our heads."

This Much

"So ba't swept away?"
"Wala lang..=)"
"Di nga, tips naman jan para magka-idea ako."

[One of those chat conversations I had with a guy friend several months ago, noticing my YM status, which I had actually copied from him.]

==

Walk with her. When you do, she tells you lots of things, plus you see whose known personality is walking what breed of dog. Act like you're both kids. Buy a frisbee or a remote controlled car, and bring it to Sunken Garden for a test drive. Watch Love Me If You Dare or I Laugh You with her. It makes that film or play more absorbing for her. Play some baskets. Try to make not less than 50 points so that you can give her another game for free. And oh-- let her commit personal fouls occasionally. Read some of the books she read and remind her a few lines, which she has obviously forgotten. She might find her memory a little annoying but she always appreciates the effort you give to understand the details. Write her a letter no matter how bad your handwriting is. Confessing there your fears resolves some of her random thoughts. Tell her you love her old perfume. Then, tell her you're starting to love the new scent. Go for a roadtrip. You know she'll go anywhere with you. Tell her where you are. It makes her feel safe. Try a new resto and daringly order an eccentric cuisine. Then, decide whether it deserves a second time. Give her a hand or foot massage once in a while. Tell her she's stubborn when she is. She badly needs you to do that. Fix her a warm lemonade when she has a sore throat so that she stops fooling around with her voice. Learn to like Dashboard Confessionals, know their chords, and play them for her. She doesn't mind if you're in falsetto or you don't get the exact strumming; she enjoys it anyway. Know how to cut, dissolve, feather, and slo-mo, even though you’re using Linux. Be her gaffer in her video coverage. When you're there she doesn't notice the time, and the hassles the production brings. Let her step on your feet, and pretend that you're dancing with her. She used to do that with her Pa. Play pool or basketball with her overly introvert brother. Watching the two of you sharing some fun makes her smile. Surprise her with a pair of rubber shoes that fits her size just so. You know she always pampers her feet. Always bring an extra handkerchief whenever you go out with her, just in case she forgets to bring one--which happens most of the time. Introduce her to your family and make her feel at home. She could be a bit edgy, but she'll get the hang of it. Invite her for lunch and cook her favorite dish when the budget is tight for a date. Spend the whole afternoon or evening with her watching the latest pirated DVDs you've bought-- it is the most convenient time to cuddle. Give her a missed call when you think of her right in the middle of your busy schedule. Allow her to steal kisses from you. It's her childish way of being intimate. Swap stories with her on how your day has been. It lightens the missing part. Let her complain when the line is getting longer or when the computer crashes. Then, tell her you'll come over and pick her up. Let her fall asleep in your arms. You're giving her the most serene time-out. Hold her hand-- she loves it, especially the whole time you're inside the church. Kiss her-- she finds it sincere, especially when the priest says "Peace be with you". Embrace her-- it reassures her of your company, especially as soon as the mass ends. And before the end of the day, tell her you love her. Just because you do.

==

Why swept away? Because she has you.

*****
"A woman's heart should be so close to God's
that a man has to seek Him to find her."

i feel mushy today, hehe. oist, kulet...it's 9 again. thank you so much. *kugos*

Sand Spin

we just had our early summer this week. the timing was perfect.

while most people were heading back to the city (back to the usual boring day jobs, that is), we set off equipped with two backpacks, a 1.5 liter of bottled mineral water, a fully charged video camera, and a few vacation tips we had digged up from google. we cruised south riding blue pelican ferry boat for our next stop: white beach, puerto galera.

off-peak means an almost picture perfect vacation. clear and cool waters. fine sand. less people. way cheaper accommodation. fun snorkling. calming night shoreline stroll and full-body beachside massage. though there were some minor flaws, like the wrong choice of resto for our first lunch, which was relatively expensive for a chicken barbeque (or was it a kebab?) and stuffed squid, the manongs who doggedly invite you for banana boat rides or a snorkling to the nearby and not-so-nearby islands or island-hopping, the masseuses who persistently offer their hard and soft massage services, and losing his pair of sunglasses [that I like, by the way, because those specs looked good on him], we can't still deny that the stay was really one of a kind.

we've learned to love that beach. and the snorkling? that was the best part. too bad, our camera does not have enough technology to conquer the waters. and above all, his company-- nothing beat that. nothing can, really. aynaku...*kugos*

*****
4 out of 5 stars, sabi nya. =)
tips? learn to haggle. go on weekdays. want the sand. swim, no rush.

getting ready for our fifth road trip. anywhere.

Mi Luv Yuh

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride;
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

[excerpt, Neruda's Sonnet XVII. 100 Love Sonnets,1960.]
*****
basta...=)
hmm..coldplay's been eating up my playlist lately.

Playing God

I've just learned that I killed someone last night. I stabbed him several times right through his chest. Then, I grabbed a gun and pointed it at him, aiming at his temple. But I changed my target and pulled the trigger, directing it closely towards his heart. I shot once..twice..thrice..until I lost my count and every bullet was consumed. But I didn't stop there. Using bare hands, I had pulled out his heart, crumpled it with my strongest grip. Then, I pinned it to my soles so that I can step on it when I walk away from him.

The crime I did.

My 4-page confession letter has had that effect on him-- tearing him a part, and leaving an excruciating pain and sympathy not only to him but also to those who had witnessed the way his heart collapsed.

I feel for him-- for making him feel that he has just died. I feel for those around him-- for struggling to help him breathe again. And I feel for me-- for letting my heart think for the past ten months and some months before that.

But my heart has been doing an excellent job. It has proven its worth.

I shouldn't plead guilty.

*****
but somehow i am. i feel you and i'm so sorry.

"And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to

fix you..."

- Coldplay's Fix You.

Track 12

I remember the TV ad you showed me last year. It starts with this little girl excitedly cutting off her hair like a young lady putting on her make up for a prom date. The girl is relentless, going back and forth, and checking her looks on the mirror until she's done and her head’s totally shaved. The door bell rings. Her eyes glow as she hurriedly runs toward the door and opens it. A skinny, bald young boy is in the front door, patiently waiting. It’s her brother accompanied by their parents.

I don't precisely recall how the ad ends. My idea is that she cuts off her hair so that her brother won't feel different and they'll share the experience of being bald. But yours is that she gives every strand of her hair to him unconditionally and with no hesitation probably to make him feel that nothing has changed and everything's alright.

At some point, our versions meant exactly the same thing.

[It is a TV ad for kids with cancer.]

*****
tough times. but you're tougher. you know why? well, i do.

Horse Play

*****
Thanks to Miray for introducing Koine One Acts. Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos, with all its sarcasm, has made my first toilet visit after the play quite memorable. I Laugh You was so hilarious. Period. And thanks to you-- for trying new things with me (kahit minsan medyo hesitant ka, hehe).

Pun Intended

I knew it was coming. That editing machine finally gave up last week, leaving me with a long overdue project, forcing me to beg for successive and confusing offsets, testing my self-proclaimed passion for editing, and pushing me to whine every so often. And, oh, giving me a put on nerve to commute to and from las piñas to make use of a working pc (thanks to Mai and Paul, and Niknok -- my "young picasso" inaanak who, at two, treats any surface he can reach as his own canvas). These hassles. Darn. My thought-out timetable for January has already been messed up. I planned to loosen up for a while, and focus on reviewing for MCP or finishing the first season of naruto as well as the two paperbacks lying on my bedside table for almost a year now. And yes, the weekends and off-shifts were supposed to be light. But then, came this "crisis". Hmm...ok, that might be an overstatement, but the thing is -- THIS is already hacking me off. [I wasn't even able to update my blog, which I had been planning to do right after we returned from a week vacation in the province.] These hassles. Darn.

*****
Good thing there was Narnia, which, according to you, is 2 out of 5 stars. Then there was Euro Star Carnival, which convinced Lei not to call you freak anymore because the two of you had braved and had fun with that Joker Ride. Most importantly, in between my shift and yours, there were brief hugs and infinite stories. Looking forward to our summer this February...=)

By the way, I happened to watch a guy contestant singing Out of My League in a TV show early last week. The song has an addicting effect on me suprisingly, hehe.

Chapter Five

Cheers to the Guy in Red

Latest fastfood find with Gaby: Pupung and Friends Pinoy fastfood at the Entertainment Building of the Mall of Asia. It has an appetizing, pocket-friendly, lutong-bahay menu. Must-try: pusit, tuna belly kebab, and buttered togue. Guinumis and breaded bangus are so-so, however.
Remember the comics? Hmm..yup, I'm that old. =)
=================

I just LOVE dolphins.
[Apologies to the animal activists. I respect animal rights. But I just couldn't help not to see them.]
=================

Ramen! Ramen! Ramen! A snack size was enough to boost our chakras. [Watching too much Naruto, I guess.]

*****
Happy birthday, buddy ko! *kugos*

Sipty

*****
12.14.2005. jack's loft-gweilos hop.team's year-ender.
super thanks to trigger happy pia for the pics. =)

Crimson

*****
nanay. a great cook, storyteller, seamstress, and teacher.
april 9, 1924 - december 5, 2005

(eric is right. "it's the little things and the joy they bring...")

November

*****
11.181920.05.
next stop...

**

*****
long sunday. sorry...

Firefly

*****
Chapter Three.
(sorry about the starbucks thing. i should've explained a bit more,
and not just assumed that you had already understood.
anlabo ko minsan no? aynaku...)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

*

Upshot

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing."

I was languidly browsing last Sunday's Philippine Star issue when I stumbled upon this line, which had been borrowed from the book I KISSED DATING GOODBYE.. I almost forgot that I was waiting for my cup of coffee. The thought carried me off a little bit. Soon afterwards, I was recognizing a number of wrong things I bumped into- - including people.

Of course- - timing, it is. But all things considered, some of the wrong timings are blessings in disguise.

*****
it was the wrong thing, broe.
"i don't hate people i understand." there are some instances that you do. wala ka namang choice minsan eh.

Circus

*****
my team. we come in peace. =P

Compromise, Remember?

If you don't want me
to go for something, just tell
me and, most likely,

I won't.

You seem very cautious of
how you're going to
respond especially when

it someway does not
agree with what you feel.

*****
And what you feel counts.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

Draw Lots

until 70?
that would be a bit soon. how about 80?
too old. that would be tough.
still be capable of dribbling a basketball.
relative to the current diet and lifestyle, 80 would be a struggle.
i insist.
70. renewal afterward.
believe me, 80 is a nice number.
...
...
fine. 80 then.

*****
remember the game of chance? all the participants are taken to an expansive forest, blindfolded, and instructed to run as fast and as far as they can. the last man running, wins. that's how we are going to get there. and that's how life is going to get us.

palagay ko, kaya naman. let's just take one lap at a time and strive to keep the trust safely.

Numbered

5 days.
6 projects.
4 mcdo meals and some sandwiches.
3 no-drowse decolgen tablets.
i miss you by incubus. over and over and over again.

*****
long week...=(

Wordplay

We spent it on two Spanish reels--
both have characters professing
"No te quiero mas."

Picking up the phrase saves their lives.
Finishing the sundaes braces ours.

****
Strawberries and chocolates. Chapter Two.

All In

notice the progress we have made. we are good at it, aren't we? no more missed calls and beggings. no more blaming and enmity. no more updates from both sides.

i know i can't speak for you because until now i still don't have any idea of how you have been handling everything. but i hope you have managed.

i had no guts to ask you then. i shoved aside talks about you for the past several months. maybe there was an ounce of guilt. maybe i was embarrassed to stand that it was completely over. maybe i was too cowed to acknowledge that somehow we had failed.

i am so sorry. i already told you this many times.

but six months were enough. things changed, lots of them (though i let them linger for quite sometime). and i have opted to believe that we didn't fail at all. because if we did, it would've taken us a longer time to pull through. because if we did, i wouldn't have trusted someone again the same way i trusted you.

you see, moving on isn't all about letting time sort out everything. it demands individual effort. it is nursing your own wounds, not pampering the pain. it is acceptance. and a choice.

i am fine now. and i hope you are, too.

*****
THANKS,bj.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

Collide

sobrang guts yon ah. i'm impressed.

rewind. three nights ago. that was one of the risky conversations that we had. to top it off, you initiated the whole thing. you said a lot and, at the same time, revealed a lot. i was more of a listener. you were talking about things as if you were only thinking out loud. no holds barred. freeing.

rewind. the night before. may kwento na naman ako. i wasn't sure if the messages were delayed or you found it somehow daunting to react. but the intervals were sufficient for thinking. did i say too much? did i rouse your defenses?

rewind. the past three weeks. more reserved random thoughts. no room for poetry. just exploring.

*****
i am speaking for you speaking of fears.

Chapter One

*****
definitely, worth discovering. and way better than perfect.
balik tayo dun ha buddy? =)

(snapshots of sonya's garden and caleruega church courtesy of community.webshots,
pbase.com/tekgik, caleruega.philippines.com, and viloria.com)

Tried and True

Hand-painted on a navy blue coffee mug is a line by the famed Anonymous:

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,
it became a butterfly."

I would love to own one and imagine how my day starts with that mug on my hand--
thinking for more casual whims and tossing them around.

You, conversely, would be wondering the same thing. A little embarrassed,
you would be exposing your intimate convictions, vindicating all possibilities, and
exploring more about yourself.

I would be listening to you absorbedly-- throwing side comments from time to time.

And we would keep this habit for as long as we can, not minding if it would never stop.

*****
later... =)

Shun the Peon

2:38 AM. Waiting for anything. Aircondition sound amplifies the boredom. No reply for my sorry. 2:41 AM. Still a blank notepad. No trace of sane words. 2:43 AM. Just got his goodnight text. Arrgggh! Lag again. Darn the networks. 2:46 AM. Rice toppings in the adjacent cube is tempting-- smells like teriyaki-- well-cooked and served hot. Air from that direction tastes very sweet. Teases my stomach, which by now wants to snub my seafood cup noodles, courtesy of 7/11. 2:53 AM. Finally, a progress is coming into view. A paragraph of several phrases, giving its best shots of nonsense at this hour of the day, is emerging. 3:01 AM. Be dead to the world.

*****
Windows Media Player sets to Repeat. Angels or Devils. I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold. Pause. 5:03 AM. Pachelbel's Canon in D Chord. I miss you. Repeat.

Can't wait to go home...

Blogged It

Nag-iisip. Wala kasing magawa, kaya napapa-iisip. Some men have all the luck. For some reason, yan yung nagpi-play sa utak ko kanina habang nag-aabang ng FX. May nami-miss akong isang tao, sarap i-hug. Pag nagti-text ako, I usually spell out the words unless kulang na sa space. Ayoko kaya nung "me" kapalit nung "ako" or "'ko". Irritating sya, basta . Pero yung taglish, nati-take ko na. Parang ganito. Kelangan ko ng caffeine mamayang gabi-- hot and grande of an unfamiliar blend. I'll steal some sleep tonight (hope eric meister won't mind). Care ko kung may 2 kamera sa paligid, di naman ako makikita dun-- strategic location kaya yung cube ko. Nakita ko kanina yung trailer ng Wicker Park sa Star Movies-- hmmm, ang hot ni Josh Hartnett. Gusto ko tuloy panuorin. I like broad shoulders, I can lean on them, sleep on them. Kelangan ko nang mag-MCP exam. Lagot. I badly need a motivation. Ba't kaya may mga EX pa 'no? Why can't we all have or be a current, and stay that way? But I know why. Makulit ba 'ko? Ha? Ha? Ha? Kung oo, eh ano naman ngayon? =D

Ay ang gulo. Pero ganyan ako minsan mag-isip. Random. Hindi structured. Walang definite direction. In short, may kalabuan. Kaya nga mas gusto ko na sinasabi ko agad kase kung hindi, makakalimutan ko kung ano man yon eventually. Tsaka, ngayon ko lang napansin-- taglish din pala 'ko mag-isip. Cool.

Magsusulat dapat ako ng isang magandang haiku pero nauwi ako sa ganito. And come to think of it--- I have no idea why. Anlakas pa ng ulan sa labas. Bad trip, mababasa na naman yung mga paa ko... =(

Your Venus

Cause I will be your force
And I will be your right

And I will be your sword
And I will be your might

And I will be your days
And I will be your nights

And I will watch over you like a satellite.

*****
fragments of collective soul's satellite

Page 89

they meet halfway and,
from there, begin to write the
story they have been
deeming for quite sometime.

"how should we end it?"
he asks, looking at her a
little hesitant
"should we?" she replies, beaming

at him. "no," he says,
"it's supposed to be ceaseless."
she feels the linen,
"so let this be chapter one."

*****
that's what you call a rhetorical question.
=)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

August

While waiting for the
last rain to fall, the moon peeks
shyly tonight-- stumped,
marveling, and mesmerized.

***
Swept away...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

"don't get a grip. slide.." - harinawa

...lakbay tayo kahit san.
=)

*****
sana tayo na. sana lang yun ha? sana...
just stay.

*****
sana, one day..we can go on a trip..
di naman corny yun ah...we'll do that.

*****
kwentuhan ulit tayo bukas... tulungan mo 'ko magkwento buddy ha?
ako rin may kwento. =)

Blow

last shift, broe and i had this nice chat about an issue he's currently in. and no matter how hard we both tried to make the conversation as light as possible, truth still turned up bittersweet.

broe: wala na kasi itong tolerance sa mga sabit sabit sa mga relasyon e. parang gusto na ngang kumawala. ayoko nga! i always say to her na kaya pa yan!

===

me: you only have one shot at destiny *or whatever you call it*
broe: maganda yan!
me: di maganda yun..totoo yun

===

broe: e pano kung barahin nya ko, sabihin nya i blew it?
me: naku..wag mo sabihin yon sa kanya
me: parang you're threatening her
broe: ang sagot ko jan, if u say i blew it, then im succesful. shots are intended to blow something di ba? hahahaha
me: naku...ewan ko lang ha
broe: sige di ko nlng sasabihin

===

broe: alam mo
broe: kung sakaling hindi kami, parang feeling ko ang dali dali ko ng magmahal. ganda ng training ko e!

===

me: and you know what..all love stories are almost the same
me: nasa sayo na kung pano mo gagawan ng "twist"
broe: nako jan ako magaling, sa twist
broe: ay twisted ata sa kin

===

broe: kung effort lang sis, puntos hakot tlaga
broe: kaso rito, isang scratch lang tapos ang laro e
broe: back to zero
me: that's sad..but what makes it worse is that it really happens
me: ganon talaga..
broe: hahaha! true that it happens. not true that it's sad
broe: i find 'ganon tlaga' things funny
me: i mean, yung "isang scratch lang..."
broe: oo yun nga. kakatawa
me: yun yung sad kse may limit na agad
broe: na kahit anong hirap, a miniscule mistake ruins it. do u find dis eksena funny? a deck of cards na ginawang astig na castle tapos biglang bumagsak coz of just a piece? i do. parang ganon
broe: ang consuelo nlng dun e kahit papano it was achived o almost there
me: funny ba yon..
me: di kaya but i like the parallelism
broe: if you look at it outside d box it is. pero kung hindi mo aalisin sarili mo, talo ka
me: and the thing is.. lagi kasama sarili mo
broe: for that part, matter of perspective nlng tlaga magse-save sa sanity mo

*****

broe, sorry naka-broadcast. malaman kse yung mga sinabi mo-- lalo na yung theory mo sa astig na castle. =)

update: one day after the chat, nasira na completely yung astig na castle...=(

The Catcher

I am way stronger than my fear.


*******
My WHAT IF simply tries to answer your HOW.
Nothing to worry about. =)

...

I'm halfway there, no-- almost there.

Chasing Dragonflies

what's your favorite scent?
is it citrus, floral, fruity, or earthy?
i don't know. but i love this one (kisses her left hand that rests on his left shoulder)

*****

what kind of holding hands do you prefer? (tries to demonstrate each hold)
you see, we hold our hands in 3 different ways.
it depends on whose hand i'm going to hold.
mine.
ahh, i love this one (envelopes her left hand with his right hand)
why?
most convenient (slightly lifts up her left hand and rests his right cheek on it)

*****

she loves the way he's being swept away... =)

Moonwalk 2

Her thought of walking around the UP acad oval is all about staring at the sky and observing patterns of leaves or looking at the ground and skipping uneven contours or textures of bricks. The people she meets are merely postscript to the challenge of getting to her supposed destination. Time is always watching. And the weather matters a lot.

But that was before.

****

Lately, the walk is more on appreciating almost every detail in the sky and making an effort to step into each crappy layer of stones and intimidating manhole designed on the road. The presence of people becomes apparent, as if it completes a landscape painting. Time passes by unnoticed. And the weather is consoling, no matter what it is.

****

The unhurried changes are heartening as she notices that her hand perfectly rests on his hand. It looks right, feels right. The clasp is beyond compare-- like sealing a two-piece puzzle. No place is safer than this, she muses. Then he smiles, as if he has been listening to her mind. Or maybe, just maybe, she is holding his heart.

****

Still wondering why the sky is blue?

Strumming the G Chord

"ang himbing mong managinip, ang sarap-sarap mong umidlip."
Paulit-ulit lang yung kanta. Napansin ko, ok na pala tayo.***"Where fools rush in, the two of you are standing back,
watching them and smiling..."
i'm not really into friendster horoscope-- but i let this one pass.

Freefalling

The tempest is gone.
Stay, let's wait for a shooting star.

Moonwalk

"Namatay na pala si Sin..." I was surprised when you said that all of a sudden. "Ngayon mo lang ba nalaman?" I asked, still wondering, as we walked inside the UP chapel. "Matagal na, kaso parang di lang kse natin napag-usapan." Hmmm, good point. We missed out that one. Pano nangyari yun-- we talk about almost everything? I was trying to snatch a valid excuse when the mass started. My thought was just in time: maybe we were too busy talking about something else when it happened. =)

******
thanks sa stress ball. at sa melon-banana smoothies.
at sa sizzling pusit. at sa stay. nga pala, don't worry too much.
sabi ko naman syo, just let things happen.

Translation 101

COWARDICE (kower-dis) n. - (1) The fear of hurting and making someone hate you for telling the truth. (2) The fear of starting all over again. (3) Deciding to stay only because you think you're safe with what you've already had. (4) Opposite of guts.

*****
I watched CLOSER. Reality pierced. OUCH.

Kwentuhan Na

blessing in disguise yon, buddy. para kasing nakisama lahat.
wala sya sa plano, but the timing was perfect.
peak hours na yon, but that crowded place still had vacant seats.
kahit nga yung ulan pinagbigyan tayo.

it was really meant to happen.

*****
thanks for the coffee. the best.

"Why can't you see me like I see you? Can't you feel me like I feel you?"

She borrowed his pen
to put a period on their
last conversation.
The moment he saw it, he
added two more dots---

and said

"THIS is worth a better ending."

*****

thanks to sponge cola
for letting them chase the dragonfly.

Crash Pad

Mid-May.

The late-lazy-afternoon setting was perfect for a stroll or whatever (I imagined Zhang Yimou or Robert Zemeckis grinning for yet another breathtaking film finale).

Two kids playing distracted my already restrained contemplation. One of them was sitting on a wooden swing while the other was pushing it. They went on and on, taking turns in what it seemed like the ride of their lives. Kids.

I was ready to veer my engrossment to another scenery when their game was cut short. It looked like one of them had given the other a harder push. The boy on the swing grappled in reaching for the rope and keeping hold of the wood. The girl, on the other hand, frantically chased the rope, which by then had been swaying away from her as if feeling the sky. Panic reflected on her eyes but, just like before, she managed to give him an assuring look that everything would be fine. At length, everything simmered down. The two continued playing as if nothing had happened.

I caught myself wondering-- no, wanting. Wanting for us to be just like them.

And how I wished I could be like her--
so that I could still push your swing
no matter what
until you touch the stars.

*****
senti mode na naman, hehe. pero seryoso,
when the wall breaks down,
it's hard to find something to hold on to.
yun lang.

Closure

Then, they forgot the small things.

Decaf

The coffee has been unappealing lately.
I'm not so sure whether it's because of less sugar or less talk.

*****
here we go again.

Sand-castle Fate

Their stories begin

To moderate your sadness

As sudden gap in

Bareness takes place and lets you

Sway to the tune and

Momentarily evade.

*****
"My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave..."

Serenade

I’m listening to our song.

But, sadly, with him.

What's my Score?

Hi there, BIG GUY.

It's been more than a year now. I guess, I've lost in touch with you. I'm embarrassed, very embarrassed. Remember the list I wrote? I think, if we're going to rate my performance, I failed without a doubt. And I don't want to go through the details because I know it will only take me so far.

But you know what? Despite the bundle of shortcomings I've done, my heart has still that reserved space for you. I maybe a lousy performer but I've been trying to improve every single day. I guess, the criteria I've set for myself aren't enough. That they need polishing. That I need to demand myself for more.

I'm getting there, don't you worry.

*****************

A faith refresher. Some extra effort.

One Day

You will miss holding my hand,
Wonder where I am,
And feel so sorry that you
Let it all happened.

The Story of a Fish and a Bird

Version 1:

"If a bird loves a fish, where would they live? Who gets the fins and who loses the wings?"

Version 2:

"If a fish falls in love with a bird, could they live together? Could one fly with fins? Could one remove its wings? How pathetic…love can’t change what’s not meant to be."

Version 3:

Let's say a bird and a fish fall for each other. Let's say one learns to fly with fins or the other learns to remove its wings. Then, they live together and, somehow, get use to it. But could they really last? For how long would that be?

What if the bird suddenly misses its wings and craves for the sky? What if the fish realizes that it's losing its breath and the need to dive?

Or what if the weather changes and their adaptive capabilities are not enough?

Could they still turn back? Is it possible for them to meet halfway? Would they give it another try?

*****

Hey, time to think. We're losing too much air.

The Swan Song

"I'm no angel to you
I have broken my wings
Flying for you
And I'm no angel it's true
I'd trade in my halo
Just to save you..."

********
What's next?

His Scion Sleeps

After finally finding his niche, he was supposed to start a new diversion. Watching clouds and studying their shapes on top of every skycraper that he plans to build. But since not all of us are capable of being genuinely good and staying human, his blueprints gradually collapsed right before his eyes. Everybody knows how much he pleaded. Sadly, the effort fell on closed ears and stoned heart.

He's been fighting for a week now. Bravely.

*****

My HS batchmate and a friend was shot last Saturday. I'm not yet sure how many bullets came out. But the only things that has been keeping his heart pumping up to this day are the breathing apparatus and the voices of the people who care for him.

The person who pulled the trigger is still at large. Hope he'll meet his match SOON.

Stained Ink on Linen

She begins to draw the line,
Heedfully, as if carving

A very refined figure,

A few moments right before

He decides to return from

A long walk and when he gets

There, he marvels about it,

Touching every inch of the streak

A force smile marks her face

A begging glance reflects his

Dream is nearing its end.

*****
Countdown sets off.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

It Should Have Been This Way

Seeing more out of less.

Considering despite doubts.

Choosing density over convenience.

Waiting whilst moving on.

Flying as you fall.

*****

But...

Brewed

sya: hi. musta na po?
ako: hey. eto..masaya. =)
sya: that's nice. just visited your friendster...
sya: bat ganon status mo? ano yun?
ako: hehe. la yon.
sya: di nga? napaisip ako dun ah.
ako: la nga yun eh. lam mo naman ako...
sya: my point, exactly...

===
sya: anlamig no?
ako: onga eh.
sya: sarap mag-coffee...
ako: =)
sya: coffee tayo..
ako: haha, ok sa segway ah.

===
ako: ba't laging yan na lang ino-order mo?
sya: uy, naalala mo pa pala. *grinning*
ako: why don't you try other flavors?
sya: yoko. sanay na ko dito eh.
ako: di ka ba nagsasawa?
sya: siguro pag tumanggi ka na sa invites ko...i'd probably try machiatto.

===
sya: kayo ba, nagku-coffee kayo?
ako: never ko pa sya nakasama mag-coffee.
sya: ...
ako: tska di naman nagkakape yun eh.
sya: ahh... i love coffee.

===
sya: pano ka na-addict sa kape?
ako: when i started thinking.
sya: ahh..
ako: kaw ba?
sya: when i noticed you thinking.
ako: ha-ha funny.
sya: *smiling*

===
ako: so kelan mo papakilala sa 'kin yung constant date mo?
sya: yoko muna..di pa ko ready.
ako: para 'tong sira.. sige na, kelan?
sya: wag na..baka magselos ka pa..
sya: hehe, joke lang po.
ako: so kelan nga?
sya: pag ayaw mo na ng coffee.

===
ako: kainis ka..
sya: lagi ka namang naiinis sa kin eh..so, what is it this time?
ako: you're so good at this..
sya: explain...
ako: wala. eh kse lagi na lang nagba-backfire sa kin yung conversation natin.
sya: hmm..is it good or bad? *smiling*
ako: pwede ba tayo magkaroon ng isang normal na usap? yung tipong wala lang.
sya: *giggling* wag..boring yung ganon. tska, this is the reason why we click together.
ako: kala mo lang yun.
sya: the thing is, tama naman akala ko.
ako: yoko na nga, uwi na ko. order ka na ng machiatto mo..
sya: you're so good at this.. (mimicking the way i said it earlier)
ako: explain... (mimicking the way he said it earlier)
sya: saying goodbye without really saying so..

Front Act One

The curtain calls arrive. I hear my audience clap; I see them-- one by one-- abandon the place. The precise signal for me to bow and leave the stage has finally come. My fifteen minutes of fame is over. Now, back to being faceless, hushed, and passive. Back to my swivel chair and tapping of fingers. Back to counting days, back to waiting. Sad to say, such ending is anticipated.

***********************
I gave them the show that they wanted.
They gave me my dream.

Stargazing

It brushes the tip of my fingers,

As if inviting me to hold it

And never let it go.

One small step for me to seize it,

One faint move for me to fall.

*****

Darn.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.

Listen-by-Stonefree Syndrome

Close the door
I feel a breeze
Hold me please
I hate to be alone
It's a cold night
Turn off the light
Take my hand and...

CHORUS
Listen to these things I have to say
Please understand
She left me all alone again

Clear the room
Of every memory
I don't want that song back on
It's an endless maze
Take away this haze
Mend my heart and...

[Repeat CHORUS twice]

Turn away
Don't want you to see me cry
I just want things the way they were
It's so hard to say goodbye
Wipe my tears and...

[Repeat CHORUS]

So this I ask of you
Please stay with me
Until she comes back. Listen.

Guilt Trip

It wasn't cheating. The intention was crystal clear: it would merely be a meeting of two old friends to celebrate the birthday of the other and to catch up on everything.

And so they went out, grabbed a cup of coffee, and talked for two hours. There was an exchange of good laughs, something that has probably been missing for the past several weeks. It was as if they had gone back to the old days when things were quite messy and crazier but way simpler. Then, they called it a night and left a casual kiss. And that was it.

*****

THAT WAS REALLY iT. Yet, the guilt is somehow troubling. Why is there such guilt in the first place?

Pillow Talk

She was in the mood of thinking about her future. Maybe because the whole afternoon was dry and quiet. Maybe because she saw how an old couple held hands as they sit and silently waited for the next MRT station. Maybe because of the movie she watched earlier. Maybe because these past few days people were asking her about him and their plans. Maybe for some other reasons.

The phone rang. It was almost midnight. " I bit my tongue this afternoon. Did you miss me?"

*****
ah, that butterlies in your stomach thing-- it still works.